Dude.

Being a man of somewhat simple thoughts and reactions, the following is a listing of my top 5 "dude" moments of the day:

5. Realizing I forgot to inform finance that an employee separated last month, so said ex-employee has received two additional paychecks.

4. Taking an enormous swig of coffee that I immediately discovered has been brewed yesterday morning.

3. Seeing my credit card statement for the month.

2. Having a massive dose of wasabi at my sushi lunch.

1. Finding that these such facilities exist. And believe me friends, this was the most colossal "dude" I've let fly in a loooong time.

No Super Powers Required

I plan on seeing Iron Man this Friday (opening night) and let me just say a few things about the potential of this movie.

I would be willing to be that this movie will be good. I placed my trust in this idea pretty much since the first ad I saw, and vowed "no movies until Iron Man"...which I have stuck to.

It's a movie about a man in a giant suit of metal loaded with weapons. Further more, he has zero super powers. Short of them throwing in a free steak upon admission, this fact alone has had me hooked since I was in grade school.

Although not my favorite superhero, in light of the recent crappy movies made from comic books, there is little to no chance that any director or screenwriter can screw this one up. He wears armor and fights things. That's it!

And reference above, Ben Affleck won't be in it to make it an absolute pile of crap like he did to the once awesome Dare Devil. That movie had awesome potential until: #1 - Enter crappy Afflect as a "wanna-be-hard-but-ultimately-fails" main character, then #2 - Enter Jennifer Garner, and even less convincing character, and pretty much only on to add the crappy love-side line and be the requisite "lady of the film". and #3 - The enemy being Bullseye? Dude....can I please have a more lame character?

Iron Man, do not let me down!

Is This The Part I Feel Awkward?

I've recently begun the arduous process of apartment hunting again. Call me crazy, but the rent I'm paying now for my apartment far exceeds the actual square footage.

There are certain things I loathe about apartment hunting. The one biggest thing involves the actual touring of the apartment. Some places just give you a key and let you go in and snoop around. But most have one of the management go with you and walk you around the apartment. The part of that I hate is when they tell you something then wait for your reaction.

Example:

Agent: This is the kitchen. The sink is brand new and the refridgerator is frost free!

Me: (looking around for a minute during the awkward silence)...uhh, you don't say?

Agent: (Getting excited) Yes!

Yeah. It's pretty much looking like every little ho-hum fact they tell you about the apartment (like new carpet....it's always new carpet), they expect you to just get stoked about it. I figure they have the following actually going through their head...

Example:

Agent: This is the kitchen. The sink is brand new and the fridgerator is frost free!

Me: (Spiking my wallet on the counter) F**KING SOLD! SIGN MY A$$ UP NOW!

Maybe sometime I might actually try that tact and see if I can get reduced rent.

Animal House Ain't Got No Phone

I've noticed lately that my cats are very verbal in and around the house. I don't know whether they just really feel comfortable around me and other people, or if I've given them too much flea and tick medication and now they're crazy.

I've read alot on open source (-what the Army calls the Internet, News, and other public outlets) that animals tend to attempt communication with you through these manners. I know a few of them like brushing up against your leg, or laying on their back for a stomach scratch. But I have no clue what the hell they're trying to tell/ask me when they're just sitting there, then look up at me an meow.

It probably doesn't help that I'm asking them "what? What do you want?"

Vintage Beyond Compare

You know what word I don't use enough of?

"Booyah"

That's a weird one because I don't believe that word ever reached any height of popularity, at least in none of the circles I've been privy to.

And on a side vocabulary note, few people know that while in Iraq, I was ordered by a Major never to say "fantabulous" again. Blatent misuse of authority? Probably not, because that's one of those words you can never really fit into a tactical synopsis of a dismounted engagement.

"Somebody, Anybody, Start A War Hey!"

Productivity and relative business in most jobs is now measured in terms of how many emails you've recieved throughout the day. This was both true for me in the Army and currently in HR land.

In such, email often has an ebb and flow about it, meaning that somedays I'll get hammered with 30+ emails, and other days (like today), I'll get all of 10 emails.

I live for the busy days. Mostly for the fact that it helps me justify my existance, however, it also prevents me from looking at the clock every 5 minutes and just putting off going home in my head for what seems to be forever.

On slow days, I usually try to get to at least one "would-be-nice-to-do" project in the office, maybe read some HR related articles on current events, and have a tendancy to occasionally check the "Rants and Raves" section of Craigslist.

Slows days also make me curious to know how many other people doing the white collar 9 to 5 thing are facing this same issue on some days...

But This Isn't School...

An unknown bug has befallen me over the past several days. It's pretty much like a cold without "niagra nose" (when your nose is so runny, you really can do anything). Yesterday, where my sinuses meet my throat were painful, today it's just my nose that's really irritated.

Waking up this morning was not cool, actually prying myself out of bed was worse. Had I not had a really important item on my list of to-do stuff today, I would have called in sick. The really disappointing thing is that I'd planned to head home around noon and take some vacation time, but a massive dose of Sudafed tricked me into staying. Not only did it temporarily relieve my now re-emerging pains, but it also gave me a little hint of euphoria which I'd like to point out, is also wearing off.

Again, at least I don't have niagra nose....

What's Your Party Value?

Went to my first house party in a long time over the weekend. Despite the fact that it wasn't the toboggin-down-the-stairs-into-a-wall-of-couch-cushins, it was still a pretty good time.

Upon my reflection to said party, I've taken note of several things.

First, regardless of how insistant someone is, do not start off the night with a shot of tequila. Not only did that render me with a sour stomach the next day, but I also completely forgot how much I hate tequila.

Secondly, spend less time outside. I remember why I don't smoke, and similarily should avoid those who do smoke. You wake up in the morning with the taste of ashtray and pain in the back of your mouth. Nothing against smokers, but yikes.

Thirdly, when someone warns you before going to a party that you're going to be in the presence of an entertainer* (this being a party-goer, usually a guy, who as he gets drunker, likes to show his goods more and more often), take their warning. I saw more goods that night then an oversold flea market.

Finally, train up. Whenever I do make the conscious (or sometimes sub-conscious) choice to get toasty, I do it on hard alcohol. Every so often, I get a hangover from too much beer, and then I remember why I prefer hard alcohol. Beer hangovers are very gut unfriendly...

Suffice to say I spend some of yesterday recovering, but nothing beyond bad. I don't know whether the fact that I drank alot of beer made me feel like crap, or the after 2 AM run to Jack-in-the-Box made me feel like crap.

Blech.

"I'd Fight Lincoln..."

34

Walking into work today, much like every other day, I look around at all the people that most refer to as "suits". These are the men and woman who have had what I would consider a "ho-hum" life. They grew up, went to college, got a 9 to 5 job, got married, had kids, built a fence, blah blah blah. These are the people that have the "mid-life crisis" because once they hit 40 or 50, they realize that all they've done is...grew up, went to college, got a 9 to 5 job...etc.etc.etc.

Much as advocated in "Fight Club", there are certain things that I believe all people should experience. One of the most basic is a fight. And I don't mean a passive-aggressive "you should show me some respect" b.s. you see on Springer. I'm talking about a fists-a-flailing, good ol' fashion, drop down bare knuckle brawl. The kind you can only imagine after leaving a kung fu flick and dreaming you were the main character.

I've had my fair share of a$$-whoopin's. Some being on my a$$, some being on others...but I believe this grows you as a person. And the weird thing is, either way you walk away from it, winner or loser, you somehow feel good about it.

For example: If you win the fight, the story starts..."So dude, I totally kicked this dude's a$$..."

To the opposite, it would be: "So dude, this dude totally kicked my a$$..." Because either way, you come out with a story, and alittle bit of experience. Now I'm not condoning someone go out and start something, but I am saying, is that next time someone gets in your face and you have a remote inkling of a thought that you may be able to take them, hell, give'm a swing! Most fights usually are broken up pretty quick.

It's all up to you. Personally on a more radical note, I would say that even war is something everyone should experience. Sure it's violent, demoralizing, and hellish, but beyond all that, you gain a completely new aspect on life. You don't take anything for granted, and the little things like a flat tire rarely piss you off after that (except me...I hate flat tires no matter what).

So this weekend, I challenge you to go out and push your body to the extreme in one manner or another. Me? Well hell, I plan to see how much beer I can fit in my stomach before I erupt like Mount Busch-sueveus.

Building On Something Bad

Despite the fact that my old cell phone was broken, and ironically healed itself one day after my contract, I'm glad anyway...in a way.

With the new phone I got, I'll be saving about $30 a month on phone charges, but that's about the only solice I can take.

You see, I haven't even opened the box it came in yet because I'm concerned. Not only am I concerned of the usability of it, I'm concerned about the annoying ringtones it may have, the lack of coverage it may receive, and who knows what else could be irritating about it.

I can't imagine another 50 years from now telling kids that phones used to be a big box you plugged into the wall, and could only walk as far as the curly little cable would let you.

Cell phones suck.

Can I Still Be Your Avatar?

Yes kids, Shodan is still out there and she's still pissed off...

Working out this morning, I was briefly reflecting on the recent games I've played since acquiring an XBox 360. I thought about BioShock, one of 2007's most highly awarded and successful games, and so it should be. However, we the gaming public, I don't believe has fairly been exposed to the roots of this gaming marvel.

BioShock is based heavily (I don't care what LookingGlass studios says) off a game called System Shock 2, or SS2 for the huge fans such as myself. Although Wikipedia does a much better job explaining it, I'll see if I can sum it up briefly:

You're a cybernetically enhanced soldier (marine, navy, or special op) that's been assigned on a starship called the Von Braun. You awake in your stasis pod to parts of the ship falling apart. Through your travels throughout the ship, you've come to realize that the crew has been taken over by a hostile alien lifeform and a rogue AI called "Shodan". You're attempting to locate and link up with the only other human survivor of the incident. However, been you and them lies an army of infected humans, rogue droids, and all sorts of crazy ship defense mechanisms (which you can actually hack to work for you). Hell, there are even telekinetic wielding monkeys.

There is NO other first person shooter (except for Deus Ex) that holds a candle to this game in terms of environment, customizable weapons & implants, and missions. Now, given this game came out waaaay back when (90's), there are some obvious upgrades I would offer up if this was ever to be re-released for say, XBox.

First and obviously, the graphics. The poly's in this are really bad seeing as how your character's head is almost cubical.

Secondly, SS2 didn't utilize the quadrent based damage that almost all first person shooters use today. While playing SS2, you could shoot the enemy in the head or the crotch, and it still took the same amount of rounds to drop them, this should be fixed.

Thirdly, keep the ambient sounds, and maybe add some. Using Doom 3 as an example (excellent sounds), include sounds of the ship, distant enemies, and even the sounds of the ship falling apart.

Lastly, upgrade the PSI weapons. If you elect to be a PSI (psychological powers) operative, you'll find your weapons are significantly less compared to...oh I don't know, the shotgun? Make these weapons better, or allow this character to have more skill points to spend. But definately keep the factor that weapons degrade and break over time, definately makes the game more exciting.

As an avid gamer that's been playing them almost since their advent, I'm a huge advocate of current gamers to play the old school games and the predacessors to the currently enjoyed games. Well, all except Marathon Man....seriously Bungie, that was not only a blatent Doom original rip-off, but holy crap does it suck, even for yesterday standards.

Working Through It

No blog today, too much pounding through work!

Sassafrass

So in light of the end of last week, this week I plan on limiting my booze consumption. The plan is to reduce it during the week so not only can I avoid trying to figure out HR related issues while hungover as hell, but it might also help me get the washboards alot quicker (i.e. my abs).

I say limit because I'm not going to go cold turkey. I know it doesn't work, and quite frankly, I love the booze. Further, I think it's a bit freaky when some of my borderline alcoholic friends go cold turkey on it. They have their weird aura of uptightness to them. It's creepy.

Instead, there are several sites on the net that tell you low calorie options to drinks. I was startled (but not surprised) to find out that a Long Island is the most caloric mixed drink and that Mac N' Jacks was pretty far up there on calories per beer. Now I don't plan on sipping on vodka sodas during the week, but it's good to know what I can drink.

Another reason why not to stop drinking, check out this guy.

I Can Burn Cereal

Let me read those directions again.....oooh I see. When coping with a massive hangover, have a hair of the dog, not the whole freaking dog.

Suffice to say I've been hungover now two days in a row..this is going to be a very beer-free weekend.

Even Some Bad Things Must Come To An End

I found out my phone couldn't swim last night. However, I'm not actually upset in the least for several reasons. The first being I'm not one of those weirdos that claims that they cannot live without having a cell phone. I find it rather refreshing not to have an electronic leash keeping tabs on me wherever I go.

Secondly, it was expensive to have this phone. I have three months left on my contract, and the cancellation fee is $200. Now, it was cheaper to cancel then to have it for the last three months. You do the math.

Finally, living in the cave that I do, this phone was less then ample for picking up reception. I had to either stand next to a window or on my balcony to talk.

Farewell phone!

I Chose...Poorly

Wow...am I ever in the wrong line of work...

Only So Many Eggshells Left

I sometimes like to equate Human Resources as being very similar to writing laws and regulations, or going back to being in a position of authority in the Army. Everything you say in an HR capacity is essentially taken as the truth, and people hold any emails you send them as some type of golden doctrine. This should be expected as HR is described as being the "gatekeeper" of the Company.

I'm not saying this is wrong, but I am saying that essentially being on guard by watching your p's and q's from 8 to 5 is sometimes really exhausting. HR is not the kind of job where if someone asks you a question you're not sure of, you can't rattle off a guess. It's usually the "hmm, good question, let me check that out". It's painful to make sure that you never give out inaccurate or questionable information. For instance, try picking a commonly used word and going from 8 to 5 without saying it. I equate that actually to me not cussing when I first joined the Army.

Also, when sending out announcements and emails talking about certain procedures and events, you have to include everything down to the last detail, or somehow it will become your fault should something have been skipped over. This even goes for workplace policies where you have to make sure that people understand absolutely what the policy is about and the requirements therein.

Fortunately, I work in a place where the employees are human, and allow for me to say "whoops, I screwed the pooch something fierce" (although I really haven't, and I work about 1 billion times better then the slug I replaced).

That all being said, I have the absolute fantasy of Friday rolling around, and the front doors bursting open to my workplace with two enormous kegs rolling infront of me, and me hefting a backpack of cuban cigars screaming "party people in the house say whhuuttt!"

One Glorious Step From Fail

This weekend encompassed much things that I could have done with out, just to name a few:

o Waited three weeks to play a co-op game with Oregon-B, only to find that not only does it lack alot in terms of being a good game, but it only had a handful of missions in the campaign.

o Used anti-flea/tick powder for the carpet. Then, despite my own internal mental warnings, decided I'd touch the couch (which was also dusted), then rub my eye. VERY not cool.

o Felt cool this morning after destroying the treadmill at 9.0 mph for 30 minutes and walking out like it was nothing to breathe hard about. Lost said feeling of cool as I scurried back in to get my hoodie that I'd left next to the treadmill.

But overall, pretty decent weekend. Got alot of cleaning done (which is rare), got some drinking done, ate some wicked good BBQ (and subsequently paid with horrendous heartburn), and escaped without a bad hangover! Huzzah!

"Ahhh, Salmon Skin Roll..."

fig. 1-1 Sushi-shaped pillows = Actual "comfort" food

So I've eaten fish three times this week. Something I can swear as a 5 year old I said I'd never do. Sushi is something I really didn't get into until I moved to Seattle. I gave it a shot in Missouri and hated it. Probably for two reasons; #1 - Missouri is a really land locked state which means no fresh seafood and #2 - It was sea urchin.

Moving forward with the warning of never trying the Sea Urchin, I would encourage anyone who's never eaten the stuff to at least try it. Try small. Just try the vegetable only rolls and start slowly into having the raw fish with other foods. Sushi is very light, very customizable, and you feel like a million bucks the next morning.

Did I mention don't have the sea urchin?

Can't You Move With A Purpose?

For every multi player electronic game ever devised, you will always play with or against someone who just absolutely insists on being a complete jackhole.

Every day at lunch, I like to hone my poker skills on MSN's Texas Hold'em. If you've ever played this, you're well aware of the fact that each player has a 10 second timer that counts down around their icon (or avatar if you prefer). For some reason, there is always at least one player who lets that thing run down all the way to the point where the computer is getting ready to play for them, then they make a play.

I like to believe these people are busy saving lives and playing Texas Hold'em, but I know better. The majority of them for some reason decide it's a good idea to log on to play a game, then subsequently get distracted, but never logout.

Then there's a select few who get a proverbial stiffy over letting it run down and playing so the autoplay doesn't happen, and they don't get booted after the computer plays for them 3 times. These people apparently have nothing better to do with their lives then to count it away in 10 second increments.

I don't know where I initially intended to go with this article, but I know how I'll end it. If you're playing games on line, don't be an a-hole. Nobody wants to play with or against one, so just don't be that guy, and everyone will have a good time.

Someone's Riding The Shoe Leather Express

I've seen enough of it in this fair city so I'm finally going to point it out and probably make most people feel less then motivated in some aspect.

Why is it whenever I see someone jogging to a bus stop to catch a bus, they're only jogging? Why aren't they at a full bore run? Or even a sprint for that matter?

A jog to me says "I'm trying to get to the bus in a calm yet hurried manner".

A run to me says "It is really important that I get to that bus so I don't have to wait for the next one..."

A sprint to me says "I plan on beating all the other f$*ks to be the first one on the bus so I don't have to stand or sit next to a window-licker".