An Arduous Restart Mode

Although tempted to rant, the combination of healing from my recent flu coupled with the pains of getting back into the gym routine has left me somewhat apathetic.

So instead, I look outside and get reminded of my favorite weather....overcast. People usually think it's "vampiric" of me not to enjoy the sun, but why should I? Don't get me wrong, I love being warm and I love Vitamin D equally...but there's something about being outside on a warm, overcast day in summer that is a lot more pleasing then having to constantly shield my eyes from the constant glare of the sun.

Even more so, I love being on the beach (usually in Oregon) and watching a big storm roll in over the ocean. I don't know why just watching bad weather over a massive body of water is so enchanting, but it is....c'est la vie.

Oh, and on a lighter note, I think I'm going to get trashed this week for the first time in a long time. HOLLA!

I Don't Do The Hug-A-Bug Anymore

In a random fit of thinking back during my planning for this weekend, I've had some flashbacks of my "dance club days". These were the days (ironically pre-Iraq) that myself and several of my friends would go to the "clubs" (which I call the "oonsk oonsk clubs") where it was pretty much a combination of bad beats & a meat market gone awry.

There is a check list to read off so you know you're in a crappy club.

1) Atrocious Drinks - The drinks are usually served in oversized plastic cups, too much ice, watered down to all hell, and still cost about $6. This is the only time I consider drinking Bud Lite, because I know they can't water that down, and I know I might actually get drunk.

2) Deafening Music - For some reason, the designers of these clubs put table in and about the edges of the dance floor at the insane belief that people will actually sit there and what? Talk? Or scream at each other that they can't hear what the other person is saying. The deafening OONSK OONSK of oversized speakers drown out all but the distant "WOOOO" of the drunk Soroity girl dancing on the bar.

3) WOO Girls - The bars and pubs I go now, I know will pass the Woo test. This test is simple. Bring in a girl off the street, have her start dancing in place, then have her put both hands in the air and yell "woo" just like the psychos on Girls Gone Wild. The bartender and all patrons will immediately decend on her, bind her like a package being sent to Antartica, and swiftly kick her out. However, that the OONSK OONSK bars, these girls are all over...for some reason yelling for any possible reason. I still haven't grasped why they do this, nor do I honestly care...as long as it ain't in my Irish pub.

4) Guys That Dance - Let me set the record when I say this. Guys dance. Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly are perfect examples of men that could tap dance on the head of a pin with their eyes closed. However, the kind of "dancing" at the OONSK OONSK bars is not dancing. Guys, just because you're either trying to lechily grind on the ass of a girl you don't know, or you tip your hat down and are trying to do a circular Moonwalk to any Nelly song, that doesn't mean you're dancing. That means you're taking every great dancer in the world's history and pissing in their Wheaties.

5) The "I Just Wanna Dance" Girls - I thought this was an urban myth until one of my friends and I, standing on the steps of a local dance club, actually heard a girl say this. "No guys tonight, no drama tonight, all we're gonna do is dance!" Then what did they follow it up with? A collective Woo....of course.

**There's more I'm sure, but reliving this much is already too painful to bear. I guess dance clubs are just something people need to work out of their systems. It's pretty much just a place where girls can go to shoot down guys, and guys can go to completely drag our gender through the mud by acting like complete a-holes to girls.

Free Day In *My House*

No blog today. Just wanted to sit back and dream that this is my house. All the whilst crossing my fingers and hoping to win that lottery I never play.

Back From The Depths

Finally after a week or so of being the endless haze of either being sick, or having a continual "medicine head" high, I'm identifying things I need to get back into the game about. The first and foremost being the gym. Obviously the gym is out of the question if I can't breathe after climbing only 2 flights of stairs. Even more so is it out of the question when everytime I take a step, my eyeballs pulse with pain...that would make the treadmill completely unacceptable.
Secondly, drinking. Even though this could be a good side effect of being sick, my drinky time has drastically reduced itself as a result...and this cannot be. I'll put this on the list right after the gym. Oh, and throw in "eating nasty food". Despite my decreased desire to eat overall, my desire to eat nasty food (i.e. Jack-in-the-Box) was made even less.
Finally, getting a new game for the XBox. I think I've pretty much played all the fun out of Halo that I can get. You can only be called n00b and be forced to teabag other players so many times before it really loses its spice. I have got to get to a game store.

To being healthy!

This Ain't Gotham....

Let's talk about bad luck. I spent from Wednesday until Saturday healing and getting over a monster flu. On Sunday, waking up in bed, I realize that I've almost completely recovered from my sickness and I'm ready to get up and make use of my last day of fun for the weekend.
*POP!* Wouldn't you know it? I pulled a muscle in the back of my neck BAD. So now, I can't look left, up, or down, without moving my entire body that direction like you-know-who. *sigh* What the hell did I do to deserve this?

Back From The Darkness

So after two long days of languishing in my own sickly filled apartment, I've returned to work, alittle high on sudafed, but none the worse for wear. The flu this year is apparently a doozy....joint pain, chills & fever...the whole irritating nine. If I didnt' know any better, I'd swear my fever broke twice last night...forcing me to change my then sweat-soaked ensemble twice.

Get the flu shot & eat your oranges!

Sick'em

Despite my best efforts, I've ended up getting sick. I can't really tell whether it's a cold or the flu due to a pretty harsh day at the gym yesterday. However, I will admit this is the first time that through the course of the day, I've actually felt myself getting sicker, creepy feeling.



Zycam is coming to my rescue (hopefully). It's my first time using this stuff so we'll see how far it gets me.

Brothers & Sisters In Arms Across The 'Net

When I blog, and usually when it's a rant about something, I like to think that I'm speaking out against rampant stupidity that floods our global civilization at every level. Since I am merely one voice, it's nice to know that others out there go that extra step to throw down in anyway possible.

If you've never used craiglist.org, it's a wonderful resource. You can buy stuff, sell stuff, hire people, get a job, etc.etc.etc. You can meet people, set up communities, or just rant. Craigslist can do anything.

I use this site almost daily to post jobs for my work and to troll around for resumes for people that may be a good match for said jobs. In my trolling today, I discovered "The Best of Craigslist". This is a list of funny ads that have been identified at the user level as being something that should be saved. I thought I could rant? These people turn it into an art:

Entry 1 - Apparently this person sold his refridgerator on craigslist to a lady who turned out to be an absolute nagging lunatic. This is the letter he posted apparently after she picked it up (probably in the "rants and raves" category). As you read it through, you might laugh alittle.....after that, re-read it and imagine a guy speaking in a Jersey accent. Hilarious!

Entry 2 - As I said, you can also meet people romantically on here. They have the m4m, w4m, w4w, and any other combination you can think of. This guy actually created a cypher for ads (which it probably could go both ways on gender) and how to decide if they're even worth reading.

Entry 3 - This one is definately a rant. Whereas I don't have a large frame of reference about what this author is seeing every morning, their description of it is so detailed, I feel like I'm there. The cherry on the sundae is the repetition of "pull forward f#@ktard!" Genius!

Entry 4 - This one I can definately identify with. Anyone's who has gone trick-or-treating has always had the one house that's either dolling out fruit, or worse, religious propaganda. Seriously...Halloween is about giving candy. Just because I'm dressed like the devil doesn't mean I believe I am.

Entry 5 - I can't really even explain this one. All I know is that I wish I could be at the scene of these once-in-a-lifetime events.

Anything But New(s)

This just in, I will be getting drunk and playing XBox this weekend. Oh yes, and I will also be engaging in the usual pandering, standard womanizing, inciting mayhem, invoking harlotry, and participating in downright debatchery in the regular spirit of the workfree days as well.

That is all!


P.S. I really don't love scotch.

-Random Anti-Valentine Comment Here-

In the usual, 3 pics to 1 video balance I attempt to keep on my blog, this was the only video I could find that made fun of Valentine's day. My initial search of YouTube with "Valentines Day sucks", or some combination of those terms, and the discovery was less then shocking.

Pretty much the only video bloggers of said search were either, old, fat, emo, or old and fat. The emo kids (who tend to be fat) argue that nobody loves them. The fat argues that nobody loves then AND it's a Hallmark Holiday. The old (who are usually all sad and divorced) argue that it's more trouble then it's worth. Blah blah blah blah.

My beef with Valentines is my beef with all other holidays...it's just another day. In fact, if the government doesn't view it as a Federal holiday, it's honestly not on the map for me. Why is it that Valentines day is a huge day but nobody knows when the hell flag day is. Could use the Hallmark arguement that they don't make cards for flag day.

Pretty much I see Valentines day as this. If you're in a quality relationship, you shouldn't feeled pressure to pretty much prove your love on this one day. Just because we're bombarded with hearts and cupids and all the other nonsensical jr. high bs that flys around, doesn't mean you need to do something "special"...and I'll even take it so far as why does it always have to be the guy buyin' crap?

I'm sure waaaaay back in the day (i.e. pre Dark ages), Valentine's Day had a special meaning when people actually knew the story of St. Valentine. Now it's become just another customary day where people feel compelled to show what they should be expressing on a daily basis, just without the "gamble chocolates" (thanks Gaffigan) and the space taking, pointless animated dancing, fuzzy stuffed bears.

I Can Has Surgery?

Sent the cats in today to get fixed, finally. In the process of doing so, I had to weigh as to whether I was a good cat owner v. were they (the vets) trying to do a pricing guilt-gouge.

Upon arrival, I had to sign the surgery consent form, which I understand. But then I was given another form which asked for my approval on the type of instrument used (scalpel v. laser), and whether I wanted copious amounts of bloodwork done in advance to ensure they didn't have an anesthesia allergy.

Based on my prior experience, having six surgeries myself, I definately opted for the laser over the knife, because it's less painful (post op) and it does heal quicker. This choice was made at an additional $40 per cat.

Moving down the list, the two separate tests that they suggested I have done were about $70-$80 per cat, each. I'm all about making sure my cats are okay, but in the same lane, I'm also not all about dumping another $280+ on minute tests to check for a possible allergy which is pretty rare.

Dude? I feel bad enough taking my cats for an overnight stay at a foreign place where the vets going to break their junk, do I really need to have the "if you don't fork out for this tests, your pets may die" kinda paperwork?

Come on!

A Weekend Considered

I've returned from the visit to see Oregon-B...my liver should be right behind me in a day or so. I learned a few things while down there, and per the usual efficient route, I will layout these "nuggets" bullet style:

- In visiting the brewfest that supported NPR, I learned that it's actually very possible to mess up beer. I played the "beer roulette" by trying different beers and vomiting inside myself everytime I tried the wrong one. Subsequently, I got to see Oregon-B almost wretch after tasting the organic beers & the chili beer. Organic beer? Bad hippies! Knock that off!

- I've learned that suviving on a steady diet of Jack-in-the-Box for three days in row leaves you feeling like 20 lbs of hammered crap when coupled with drinking.

- I've learned I need to start bowling regularly again.

- I've learned that despite your need for a place to rest, a half-inflated air mattress is never a good idea...even if you're drunk off your gourd.

- Finally, I crawled out of the cave I was living in and finally saw Blade Runner. Far be it from me to question cinema, however, I had to pose the "dude, why did everyone blow their load over this slow motion, unending, action devoid movie" to my cinematically inclined brother. He explained that it was ahead of it's time when it was put out, it was produced and directed by the greats, and it was a movie tone based on classic detective work and film noir. All that aside, it didn't make up for how slow that movie was. Yikes

On The Road Again....

Once again, gearing up to have a fun filled week of Xbox, Jack In The Box, and Beer-by-the-box fun with Oregon-B. It's be good to get away from the office for an extra day, now that everything from the recent acquisition has finally calmed down a bit. It'll be even better for the fact that tomorrow evening, we're going to a brew fest which usually means a crap ton of beer.

However, I'm reluctant to drink that much because I've grown away from beer hangovers. Blech.

Coffee Copied?

I thought this video was funny...but then I remembered a cartoon that was pretty much exactly the same rant (go to the bottom right corner and select the toon "Small, Medium, Large").

Coincidence? Hmmm...

Whoa, Just Got Web Served

I'm never been one to back down from much of anything, which includes pointing out when I'm wrong and admitting that I have completely screwed something. The following is a correction to one of my recent posts:

25 Jan 08 - I fired my WTF guns, all barrels hot, at fatties. I pointed out the fact that anyone who fails to strive to be better, favoring "being satisfied with their station in life" is a complete failure. In my mega-rant against the bacon flavored oxygen thieves, I also mentioned that they are a cause for the rise in healthcare costs. Weeellll, according to this article, skinny people actually cost the government more money then fat people due to the fact that fat people die sooner then skinny people. So although year for year, fat people do accrue more healthcare costs v skinny people, over a lifetime, skinny people do more fiscal damage.

So, despite the fact that short term, high dollar costs from fat people damage the healthcare system, I'll agree that this article has merit. But I would also like to stress this still does not make being fat okay.

So my correction being made, I then saw this little Jem:

01 Nov 07 - I gloated over the fact that the "Westboro Church" (a.k.a. FAIL\) was fined $11 million dollars for protesting at a dead Marine's funeral, right in front of a grieving father, for all the world to see. For some reason, which the new article wouldn't list why, the settlement has been cut in half. I'm definately rewarding the justice system with a giant WTF.

The Science Of Exponential Hotness

How guys perceive what is attractive I honestly believe has often eluded women. Compounded with the fact that women usually dress up just to compete with other women, I will attempt to use the above hottie (Sabine Edelsbacher - Lead singer of Edenbridge) as an example.
At face value, Sabine is hot. Flat out hot to look at, and probably to the point where'd she'd get a muffled "got-damn!" from a male passerby. Long legs, tight body, nice eyes. The fact that she's wearing knee-high boots and leather is a definate plus indeed. All the package of hotness in one.

Now, if you can imagine her holding an Ultimate Cheeseburger with Bacon or possibly a couple liter mugs of Spaten, her hot-meter begins to climb. Why? Because men are attracted to women (well, straight men), and all men like food. Combine the two (but not in a sexual way), and you're on the way to pure testosterone Heaven. For support, I point to old Greek and Roman murals of toga clad women feeding guys grapes. 'Nuff said. Food good, women good. Women bearing food, more good.

To continue this chain of reasoning, now imagine her holding instead of food, perhaps an oily wrench or an XBox controller. The hot-meter is now going into the red. Again I can hear women scratching their heads while the guys are nodding in agreeance. Simple. Guys like girls that look like girls. Guys also like girls that can understand what guys are into. Guys dig girls that can actually get into what guys are into. Ask any man if they'd want a girl that was into football....no question about it.

To top out the scale, I would submit by replacing guy items (i.e. wrenches) and food, and instead, we simply place a weapon...such as a sword or possibly a fully automatic machine gun in her hand. The hot-meter has now exploded in such a manner that the mercury thermometer explodes in the cartoons. Hotness is a girl that can not only look like a girl (which is to exclude "pats" and unusually buff women), but can also kick a$$ at the same time.

There may be some variation from guy to guy, however, I believe I've managed to capture the top three essences of the hotness add-on. Food, games, and guns. Remember that ladies next time you're trying to figure out what you're going to go clubbing in. Forget the fancy rings and just wear a side arm instead.

Not Until The End Of Time

After a semi-frustrating night of Halo 3 last night, I wished, for a moment, that I had an inkling of knowledge on how to hack apart games to make them do what I want to do. Being so far behind in the terminology of the consoles, I wouldn't even have a prayer at this point, and then there is always the Ban.

Yes, if you're caught hacking the Xbox 360, apparently Microsoft (as so they should) bans your system until 01 January, 10,000 A.D. I agree wholeheartly with this as I loathe the idea of playing Halo 3 against players that can't die, have stronger weapons, or can boot me from the game without even blinking twice.

Putting myself in the same shoes, I would hack the game, but not for this reason. I would only use these skills to isolate and pick on the people who constantly trash talk other gamers, are complete jerks for no reason, and use obscenities like their lives depended on it. Obviously booting would be pointless, and killing them quickly would just simulate game play. I would go a more creative route, maybe something such as turning their character's head into a GIANT (and I mean 3x the size of their character's body) digitial penis. Or put their head on their crotch rather then their shoulders. Or even replace the whole character with a giant logo that says "I Love The Cock" on legs.

I don't mind gamers who trash talk alittle. The friendly poking is expected when someone wins, as long as it's followed by a "good game" or "good luck". I don't want to hear singing, or screaming, or rambling on about moms, or rambling on about smoking pole, or rambling on about ...well you get the point.

I would use my skills for good, oh yes, it would be just.

401(z)

Imagine being at this hearing and it being 100 hours long. That pretty much sums up any information pertaining to 401(k) administration, rollover, rules, regulations, laws, agreements, policieszzz.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.