25 January, 2008

WTF Fatties?!


Today I'm delivering a big pile of wtf to what was a growing subset of our population. Now before you go and start defending them off the bat, hear me out...you might not be as offended as you think you'll be, but if you are offended, then it's probably safe to say you need to lose some weight.

I'm talkin' about the fatties. It's a well documented fact (and probably over expressed) that I loathe fat people. I'm not talking people who try to eat right, hit the gym when the can, and wear loose fitting clothes to cover up "problem areas". I'm talking about the slovenly beasts who ride the "Jabba The Hutt" carts at WalMart, sweat when they open a jar of jam, and have horrifying yellow discolorment around certain parts of their bodies that don't receive direct sunlight. And not just the 400 lb. "don't get on my elevator" fatties, I'm specifically identifying those people who have developed front butt, and somehow think it's okay to still wear shorts and for some reason, Disney-anything tshirts.
My anger against these Staypuffs was brought to a head when I read an article on MSN about blogs (one notably called the "Fatosphere"...and I'll be f$(ked if I'll hyperlink that garbage) in which fat people gripe about how much crap they get for being overweight, and telling people that it's okay to be fat. They further their grisel filled debate by saying they can be just as happy as everyone else and that once they accepted their weight, everything was A-Okay.
Well listen up you pooch-porting pile. The fact that you and 50% of the United States isn't a problem because you're not happy, it's a fact that everyone else suffers because you decide to suck down the hamhocks with gravy fries at breakfast. The First and Foremost issue is the fact that obese people drive up healthcare costs. We all know that being overweight EXPONENTIALLY increases health issues, hence more doctors visits, hence increased demand for healthcare, hence the fact that people who actually need/deserve healthcare (ahem..that try to take care of their bodies) can't get it...because you and your jolly friends are using up the doctors, increasing corporate insurance premiums, and increasing malpractice complaints when your octople bypass goes awry.
Secondly, beyond the damage that's being done to the medical community, there is nothing pleasant about the side effects of the extreme fatties. I'm talking about being blanketed in their flab while sitting next to them on airplanes, or even thanks to their inability to use self control, I now can no longer order a supersized anything at McDonalds. Hell, even Disney Land has to suffer economically due to these consistant bingers.
Finally, I'm driving to drink by their inability to understand why their teased and taunted. I can even cite Darwin on this as being just simply, fat people are weak. "But my condition is genetic" I can hear in a whimpery voice muffled with curly fries and a shake. Well, what genetic condition doesn't allow for you to pick up a damn carrot stick, or jog (yes, I'm even willing to allow jogging) on a treadmill for 20 whole minutes out of your calorie soaked day.
No only is the issue that they believe that society must accept them for what they've become, there's an actual "fat rights movement" apparently brewing the darkest corners of the country in which fat people feel it's not okay to be discriminated against (i.e. two airplane seats = two airplane fares). Right now, from what I understand, it is completely legal to fire a fat person from a job as long as their obesity isn't genetically linked. Wonderful! Appearance is something that not only reflects how the person views themselves, but it also reflects on the organization they work for. I sure as hell would not keep an employee who gained a crap ton of weight, especially if I worked for say, a doctor's office, or a gym
Pretty much to sum it up, it is NOT okay to be fat. It is NOT okay to "accept your body the way it is" just so you can be happy. If you accept being fat out of concern with making yourself feel more at ease with your precious feelings, then you might as well go out and trip a little kid because you're essentially doing it to a grand scale to society. My wallet, healthcare, and personal bubble (ahem...airplanes) should not have to suffer just because you refuse to break a sweat. I can't imagine anyone convincing themselves to be happy when they have an actual medical condition that contains the word "morbidly".
If you are fat and happy, you are wrong. If you are fat and miserable, DO something about it.

2 comments:

Tsaalyo Phoenix said...

Exactly! I used to be overweight. Not morbidly obese, but about 40 pounds overweight. I lost the weight. How? PUTTING DOWN THE DAMN FORK. MOVING.

Azurael said...

Bravo to Adam! Glad to hear that you took the power back! :)

Nice!