So let me put on my Spock ears and Geordie visor for a second and translate an issue I have with bad drivers to Star Trek lingo.For those most unfortunate to not speak trekkie (not trekker - that sounds dumb), the Enterprise is equipped with two weapons (Quantum Torpedos don't count...at least not with 90% of the nerds). Phasers and photon torpedos.
Phasors are pretty much just really big lasers that excel at doing superficial damange and overloading certain parts of a spaceship (i.e. engines, shields, etc). Photon torpedos are pretty much the crippling "space-kick-in-the-junk" as most spaceships don't survive more then one or two hits from these.
This being laid out, I would now like for the readers to imagine my car being outfitted with both weapon systems, and having to deal with daily Seattle traffic. This is how I would treat each one of these habitual, horrible traffic offenders:
- Throwing crap from their window - Phasor to the rear tires
- Cutting me off - Phasor to all tires
- Using the carpool lane with only one person (driver) in car - Phaser to the engine
- Using the carpool lane with the driver and a child under10 in the car - Torpedo
- Tailgating - Torpedo
- Driving too fast - Phaser to the paint job (because it's probably a very fast and nice, my-penis-is-small car)
- Driving too slow - Tractor beam them to the next exit, then phaser to the engine
- Changing lanes without signalling - Phasers to both tail lights
- Using your horn at the wrong time - Phasers to the horn (hopefully it'd get stuck blaring)
- "Baby On Board" sign - Torpedo
- "Dog is my co-pilot" sticker - Torpedo
- Any sticker promoting God, peace, or Bush - Torpedo
I'm sure there's probably many more situations I could put an action towards, but by now some people have taken offense to the fact that I'd fire a devistating weapon at a car with a baby in it. Well, be glad I didn't go with my first choice weapon being a rail gun, then there really wouldn't be any arguement now would there?
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