WTF Bicycle Commuters?

So allow me to represent all Seattle motor commuters when I scream "WTF Bicycle Commuters??!" at the top of my lungs like William Shatner screaming "Khan" in Star Trek 2.

In my very limited experience of commuting to my work in downtown Seattle, as the weather has warmed, I've learned of this nusuiance first hand.

Let me start by saying that if you're wearing a business suit and/or dangling a briefcase off your handlebars during your bike ride to work, you look like a douche. Regardless of either attempting to save money or caring for the environment, you get no point reduction on your douche score.

Secondly, I'd also like to point out the weight differential between a bike and car. No matter how fat the bicyclist is, I can guarentee you that a Volvo will still decimate you hands down. I only bring up this point because when I've almost hit bicyclists when they've ran red lights, apparently they forgot to do this equation in their quick risk assessment. And of course, none of the meatballs were wearing helmets.

Which brings me to my third point. Growing up, I've always gone by the motherly advice of "staying on the sidewalk". Yes, I can hear it now, "but the sidewalk is for pedistrians, wah wah wah". Well guess what, the road is for vehicles WITH MOTORS. How would a bicyclist commuter like it if I pulled in front of them and went half their potential speed? You bastards are NOT CARS! If you hate the sidewalk so much, get to the side of the road. Stay out of my lane because I will honk till you move.

So in summation, I submit the following message to bicycle commuters:
1) Change when you get to the office, or you are a douche.
2) Wear a f$(king helmet, are you really that stupid??
3) Stay out of the lanes unless you're as fast as a car.
4) If even my Prius can destroy a fence, I know it can obliterate your tree hugging ass.