24 August, 2007

Invention - The Better Bathroom Stall

A rule in life that we can all accept, is the fact that no one likes using public bathrooms. Most people are terrified of the hygene of these facilities, I'm of the group that just prefers not to spend "me-time*" in a location where people can see and/or hear me.
One of the uncanny issues I'm burdened with today is the fact that I can't use a urinal with anyone else in the room. I blame the Army's urinalysis program for this one completely. Drug testing done in the Army is different then the posh civilian drug tests. You still have to whizz in a cup, but the Army way is, some one is required to watch you whizz in a cup. And I mean full on glare (they have to see the liquid leave you and enter the cup). There is a one day "certification" course these lucky soldiers must attend, to which, they are then properly nicknamed "gazers" (short for "sausage gazers"). Suffice to say, it's haunted me to this day, so I'm a big fan of the stall.
The stall is one of the few rooms on Earth that is completely unsecure by any physical security means, however, everyone (talking guys now, not girls) honors the sanctity by avoiding talking, knocking, or the dreaded door tug at all costs. However, stalls are usually lacking several elements that would make them more hospitable, and would promote less High Schoolers having to drive all the way home just to take a dook.

#1 - Physical Structure - At best, only the stall doors almost touch the ground. Although not a concern for most guys, some are worried about the dreaded "top-down surveillance", where someone looks over the wall of the stall. Or even worse, the guy in the stall next to you drops his cell phone and it rolls into your stall. Awkward! I understand stalls are built to balance financial cost with privacy, but all that aside, improvements can be made. First of all, the walls should go all the way up to the ceiling, or the stall should have a ceiling. This would prevent look overs. Next, the doors should have hinges that can withstand a magnitude 8 earthquake. For some reason, those are always the first parts of the stall to fail. Usually requiring using a different stall, or holding the door up in mid-dook. The locking mechanism should not be a simple twist latch that can be easily undone by anyone with a flat object on the other side. It should be something that resembles either a deadbolt, or a large bar that was used to bar castle gates.

#2 - Internal Plumbing - Most public bathrooms have decent toilets. The kind that really can't fail or break. What they are usually lacking is enough flush power to powerout ungodly amounts of matter. I would recommend building on the design of the automatic sensor that flushes the toilet regardless of whether the occupant wants it or not. And the flush power should be strong enough to power through a toilet bowl full of pudding in 3 seconds. Additionally, a small, toilet-internal vent/fan system should be added inside the bowl to avoid the untimely "courtesy flush".

#3 - Toilet Paper Supplies - This is an area I see getting better all the time. Usually the fear was always not enough toilet paper. This problem is being solved either by 1) an ENORMOUS roll of toilet paper (usually 1/2 ply...so it equals to about a roll of regular) or 2) numerous rolls of toilet paper. The only consideration I would submit is make the paper dispenser impervious to college kids.

#4 - Vandalism Resistant - Asides from physical strength, the insides should be whitewashed every so often to remove any grafitti. Either this, or color ingrained glass should make up the walls of the stall. This way, it removes any chance of vandals carving anything on the inside that can't be removed.

#5 - Amenities - The standard stall could use a few upgrades. First, a floor drain in every stall. This would in sure any overflows don't incroach on others during inopportune times. Secondly, a small light next to the outer door handle to let others know the stall is in use. This again would prevent the dreaded "door tug".

I was partially inspired by the "automatic toilets" that Seattle has. They look like cyclindrical sheds with Star Trek like doors. Once you enter, the doors shut and automatically lock for 25 minutes, or until you push a button. A beacon on the outside tells people it's occupied. Everything in the toilet is made of steel. Supposedly after so many uses, the doors shut by themselves when unoccupied and a high pressure sprinkler system on the inside goes off and hoses everything down.
These are great things to have in Seattle. Unfortunately, they're planted in just the right areas where homeless/crackheads use them to sleep and/or shoot up.

Awesome.

*And by me-time, I mean going to the bathroom you perves.

No comments: