If Only Cell Phones Did Give You Cancer

There are times that I see an opinion poll put up on tv or in a magazine where people are asked what daily gadgets they couldn't live without. The top two that piss me off are televisions and cell phones. Especially cell phones, seeing as how 10 years ago, they really didn't exist...back in the day when pagers still existed.

Well, in this day and age, cell phones are everwhere. Just to be clear, it is, at no time acceptable, to have and use a cell phone in the following locations:

1) Movie theaters - Hey jackass, how about I wait for you to buy an expensive dinner out on the town, then I come and hock a big one on it. No, it is the same thing.

2) Librarys - I honestly don't believe people can multitask between telling how they got drunk last night and Ernest Hemingway.

3) Gyms - This may be the Army in me talking, but if you're on a treadmill and you're on the phone, then get the FUCK off the treadmill. If you can talk while you're running, you are NOT running fast enough. Why not let someone that has a vested interest in their health use the machine for a while.

4) Resturants - See #1, only replace expensive dinner with opening night at the movie, and replace hocking a big one with answering a cell phone in your ear.

5) Public Restrooms - Are you really this important?

6) Police Cars - Be it that you're the actual cop, or in the backseat of one (or especially if you're the subject of a traffic stop), put the phone down. Your rage will sound better once the police report has been filed.

7) Hospitals - Call this a hunch, but people go to hospitals to heal. And they certainly can't do that with the constant flux of verbal crap being spewed into it's halls about what you're going to have for dinner.

8) Church - I've never actually seen this one happen. But if you answer your phone in church, you might as well go piss in the little vat of holy water and take a dump in the alms box.'

9) ANY Military Speech - Although most of you have never been in the Military, there is no way to describe the unimaginable discomfort a brand new 2nd Lieutenant gets when his cell phone goes off during a 2 Star General's speech. It's made even worse when the General stops speaking....

10) The Grocery Store - Just pick between iceburg and romaine already! Good gravy are you going to call her on where to buy your balls back? (I say this because I've only seen men doing the "uh honey...I'm standing in front of the (whatever) isle...what should I get? Duh"