Greybies....Seriously.....WTF.

  Malingering as usual on a Monday afternoon with the tv on in the background, I heard a commercial for Inside Edition talking about new and expecting mothers having "Greybies".

   Without a moment to even wonder if this was perhaps a relative to rabies, they went on to explain that women are now getting pregnant, possibly in levels to a "boom" due to the novel "50 Shades Of Grey".

   Leaving me with the soul sucking, WHAT THE FUCK NOW feeling that typically would only happen if I owned a house boat. Then said house boat sprung a leak, got hit by a meteor, had a pack of ferrell dogs shit all over it, then somehow have it crash land into someone else's yard. Yeah, that what the fuck now moment.

   Let's hold the boat nonsense for a second and talk about the merits of "mothers" claiming that they have a kid that was conceived due to a nasty book. First an excerpt or two:

“At the touch of leather, I quiver and gasp. He walks around me again, trailing the crop around the middle of my body. On his second circuit, he suddenly flicks the crop, and it hits me underneath my behind … against my sex … The shock runs through me, and it’s the sweetest, strangest, hedonistic feeling … My body convulses at the sweet, stinging bite. My nipples harden and elongate from the assault, and I moan loudly, pulling on my leather cuffs.” (323)

“I pull him deeper into my mouth so I can feel him at the back of my throat and then to the front again. My tongue swirls around the end. He’s my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle. I suck harder and harder … Hmm … My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.” (137)

   Soooooo, mother's....when your self-acclaimed "greybies" grow up and end up reading this, they're going to find out you're an S&M addled wanna-be-slut. Hmm. We're off to a good start.

    Seriously, think of the amount of kids that were born as the result of regular ass porn. We don't have classifications of children relating to the copious amounts of video and internet porn that guys watch, nor would it be acceptable. I guess the only upside to women introducing their precious crotch fruit as "greybies" is that I know mommy likes it weird....

    This moves on to the just series of books in general. I fucking hate the fan fare over this for several reasons. First and foremost, dudes have been asking girls for kinky shit in the bed since the dawn of time...and it only takes an overweight female author who has a self-deprecating main character that tries to somehow play the "slut" and self-empowered "inner goddess" at the same time? No no no no no. Those ideas are incompatible. If your character is getting plowed in the ass with a wine bottle, she is not at that point exerting any form of power over the situation. Seriously.

   Secondly, and more importantly, chicks aren't wired to like this kinda shit. Yeah, I'm sure they like being tossed around, hair pulled, blah blah blah. But when it comes to stuff that men can do better than women, kink is pretty much the mountain we play king on, and no matter hard you try, you can't push us off. I've gotten into countless arguments with women who claim to be "wilder and kinkier"...and subsequently end up deep throating only a giant serving of humble pie in the process.

   Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's legions of married men out there that sacrificed a goat to the author once their numb sex life was briefly brought back to life with handcuffs and whatever (ooooh...handcuffs....*snore*), but the idea of the she-walrus that wrote this book writing nasty shit like that? That worse then finding out one of the Golden Girls directed 2 Girls 1 Cup. Gross.