Meet My Bluntness

The past few days have been excellent news days. And by excellent, I mean there has been plenty of irritating stories that make me question the standard mindframe of humanity. However, I've been unable to organize them into any discernable group, so I figure I'll just take a cluster today...and save the rest for later:

Probably Going to Crap A Sequoia - It appears that Oprah has joined the unwashed masses in following fad diets that have no medical support whatsoever. This diet, however, is the double whammy of "don't eat the animals" and "cleansing the body of toxins". Hmmm. So despite the fact that this diet has total disregard for what the human body was built to do, she's leading her masses to put themselves through 21 days of crappy dieting, just at the "attempt" to feel better. The extra pisser of it is that I imagine most of them being severely overweight/obese people that are going into it so they can attempt to capture that whole "fit but fat" myth.

I'm tired of these people who go at lengths through yoga, and incense and massage therapy and hugging cows and wah wah wah wah wah. From an evolutionary standpoint, our bodies and minds grow stronger through the challenges we face....not taking the path of least resistance. That sh*t makes you soft. The people that have chiseled bodies, healthy minds, and strong immune systems are those people that go to the gym and sweat until they're bleeding from their pores. I've yet to believe that yoga in and of itself can make a fat person skinny. No. I don't care if it makes them feel good...if you walk out of an exercise session "feeling good", you've done it wrong.

And for gravy's sake vegetarians, you're the only ones that apparently care that something has to die for us to eat. No, you will not make a difference, because I'll eat twice as much chicken, beef, and pork to make up with what you're passing up. And vegans...what the hell is your problem. You're telling me that you're sticking up for such animals like the turkey, who will literally drown if they look up while it's raining? This type of thinking seriously makes me want to go out and hammer punch a cow.

What's the best way to be happy and healthy you ask me? Simple. Do what you want to do and don't worry about other people. Eat what you want to eat, enjoy vices in moderation, and do what you can to stay fit. Don't avoid food with "negative energies" or drink some tabasco/lemon juice concoction (f**k you Master Cleanse diet) that'll only turn you into a human smoothy machine. And for all's sake, if you want to get in shape because you've got extra weight...run. Don't jog, don't do yoga, don't do pilates, don't walk fast on an incline, don't buy that fancy crap off the tv show that has some foot doctor saying it's good for your abs....run.

People these days want to get to a goal, but are always so afraid of putting the milage on their bodies. And with that said, I've already gone to the gym this morning, done 20 minutes at 9 mph on the treadmill, 10 minutes at a 2:15/500m pace on the rowing machine, and done at least 10 minutes of arm, shoulder, back, and ab exercises.....now I'm going to go to happy hour, suck down three dirty martinis and polish that sh*t off with a greazy a$$ Bacon Ultimate Cheese Burger from Jack in the Box.

...and I'm still happy, still healthy, and still have a 28" waistline. Who you gonna believe...Oprah? Or me.