Somewhere Else I'd Rather Be

I've been working for the same organization for about 2 years now. Began at the bottom of the chain by simply wanting to get my foot in the door, and now I'm a pretty high up on the leadership scale.

I work daily to make lives better for people that are both downtrodden and the community in general. Don't get paid as much as my position probably demands, but it's decent humanitarian work.

.....

That being said, I think I'd still prefer to edit porn for a living.

PAX 2011 Afterthoughts...and Thoughts...and Thoughts

Oregon-B endedup coming up for the weekend, and we attended the 2011 Pax Convention in Seattle.

Few thoughts, in a-typical bullet format:

- It was refreshing to be surrounded by soooo many gamers. Even though some took it alot more seriously than me...nice to finally be in a place that talks my language.

- Booth Babes...best idea ever. And if any models are reading this that have done that kind of work, you're just awesome.

- I'm not entirely sure what someone would do at that place for 3 days, but 1 day seemed good.

-Mental Note: Sleep more before the convention. Gaming conventions apparently involve ALOT of walking.

- Free stuff always a plus. Got my hands on a Halo lego set...which I plan to cover in protective plastic and sit on for 30 years to cash in on Ebay...if Ebay still exists.

- Suprisingly, there were ALOT of women at the convention too. And not the kind that occasionally play some regular Xbox Arcade games. These girls were knee deep in people's asses on the Halo gamecase and such.

- Video games are awesome.

- Booth babes...seriously....awesome.

"Thy Nerdom Come, I Will Have Fun...."

First I would like to apologize for my lack of blogging efforts. In between work, going home to Idaho for a weekend, the new Deus Ex game, and basic debautchery, I just haven't had time (awww...sad face.)

That being said, Oregon-B is heading up to chill with me for a long weekend and we'll be hitting the Penny Arcarde Expo. It will be an awesome experience of playing new games, speaking to designers and producers, and just bathing in general nerdery for a complete afternoon.

Oh yeah, and there'll be bangin' hot chicks there in Cosplay and various other taudry outfits. Totally forgot about that.

Charlie Mike

Pretty rough Monday at work, didn't start well...and just ended up getting obscure towards the end.

Oh well.....continue mission.

"Fear Me!...But Follow!"

Leadership. There are dozens and dozens of theories on the ideas behind leadership.

In my experience, I've found typically a combination of many of them usually works best. I've run into alot of leaders who lead out of fear (i.e. screaming, acting like an ass 24/7) and I've met leaders who are too soft and give too much ground.

Recently I once again had the dubious honor of suspending an employee for acting inappropriately in the workplace. While I never enjoy the discipline aspect of it, there is some level of achievement I feel for wiping out unethical behavior in the workplace. I made this almost a hobby in the Army when I went on the road and sought out Officers who decided they wanted to either throw their rank around, or think they were still in college.

Speaking softly and carrying a big stick is a very strong approach to leadership. When you're working with your subordinates, your job as a leader is to do everything on Earth to support them.

However, when they purposely act insubordinate or refuse to follow orders...well, probably about time to put on the big ol' Iron Fist o' Fury.

"Women Will Always Push Their Values On You"

Now before you bust out the pitchforks, hear me out.

Both genders have their flaws. Guys are positively no better than women. The fun thing about how each gender sucks is that they suck in completely different ways. Guys tend to be abrasive, insensitive dicks. But that's a different blog entry.

I read this article and thought it was mildly amusing because it basically reinforces that guys need "dude time", or else bad things result. It's funnier because it indirectly sheds light on the fact that women do tend to step between dudes and their friends.

Yes, this is the part of the entry where I come off like a misogynistic freak.

As I pointed out, genders tend to suck in their own way. Where guys are complete douche bags, women tend to be mindlessly controlling and for some reason can ultimately end up believing they're your 2nd mother.

One of the most eye opening things I've heard in a while (and subsequently forgot who said) is that "women will always push their values on you". The more I thought about it, the more I tied it to the nature of nagging that some (not all, so put the torches and pitchforks down) women ultimately end up going to.

From the "you're going out with your friends again" whine to the "how many times do I need to tell you to use a dryer sheet" flame.

Look, just because we're in a relationship doesn't mean my friends take a backseat to you. And if I'm going to so far as to doing the laundry, I'm doing it the way I do laundry. I don't want my shirts and drawers smelling like sunshine and meadows of daisies. You don't like the dryer-sheet-free laundry? You do it.

I've had several friends now that once married, were completely cutoff from all society. And it's never a brazen proclamation by the woman saying "you are now my bitch! Grab my beltloop!" It's typically through a system of nagging and guilting. One friend I had for instance, for the duration of a 3 to 4 hour night we'd be out drinking, would result in him getting at least 2 calls from his wife, and approximately 20 text messages.

Again, I caveat...not all women. But a goooood percentage of them are, at least from my foxhole. So the message is this. We as guys need our dude time, and if you attempt to step between us and our friends, you will be painted in a very negative (and probably fairly so) light. If you want us to do chores, you don't get to set the standard as to how they will be done, because nobody made you Queen shit on how to do dishes. And for God's sake, every man has a mother, we don't need two of them.

Economics...You're Doing It Wrong

fig. 1-1 Yes, A Monkey Fucking A Football

As I was sitting at my desk today eating lunch, I heard a very, very loud farting noise off in the distance. While my office is near the staff bathroom, it was not any person that ate the wrong thing.

It was our economy taking a massive dook and stinking up the whole place.

Dropping well over 600 points in one day, the news websites are now littered once again of people at Wall Street looking all sad-trombone-faced and pitful. (Which I don't understand, I mean, it's not their money)

While I am not an economist by any means, what is going on with our economy is a big pile of bull shiite. While I have no silver bullet for the economy, I can generally see the following a problem:

- Politicians duking it out until the last possible minute with this latest "debt ceiling" debacle, and acting like complete children in the process. Screw the Republicans for being dominated by the Tea Party nuts, and screw the Democrats for being ineffectual and rolling over on pretty much all fronts. And screw all involved for the self-congratulatory back patting and hand shaking on a "job well done" while over 80% of polled Americans think they acted like complete douches.

- Volitility. It seems in this day in age that if a mosquito farts in Central Asia, our Dow drops 100 points. I don't get this. "Consumer confidence"? Confidence in what? If Allen Greenspan sneezed the price of oil takes a shit and everyone loses their 401(k)s. How did our system get to this point when it used to be just about buying pieces of a company to make a profit? From what I understand, our giant point loss today was from our loss in credit rating (which, I think we deserve, because we're TRILLIONS of dollars in debt) and from fears of what's happening with Europes economy. Dude...really?

- Visas and Foreign Aid. How in the french fucking toast does our government rationalize dumping millions of dollars into assisting other countries and allowing work visas when our economy is going to hell in a handbasket and we have roughly a 10% unemployment rate. Oh sure, we'll cut spending to domestic programs such as medical benefits and mental health services, and yeah, the 1 in 10 Americans are unemployed, but lets go ahead and send millions of dollars over to Ethopia and give a bunch of Europeans the ability to come over and take our high tech, high paying jobs...get trained, and head home. Look, I'm not saying build a giant wall around the country and change our name to Deutchland. I am saying, we need to focus our financial priorities internally. We can't help anyone if we're going down the pipes. And from where I stand right now, I know when people are crying at Wall Street, bad things are happening.

- Subsidies. Okay, so we're giving money to companies who post annual profits. What? I mean seriously? We pay oil companies to produce oil? The same companies that bend us over at the pump (wow that is rife with innuendo) and have a strangle hold on our energy economy even now? And we're paying farmers to not grow crops so the cost of the individual units go higher? WTF. Who thought of subsidies?

- Tax breaks. I'm not claiming to know anything about tax code. That being said, whatever the tax code is, stick to it. Whatever tax breaks are provided by the President, regardless of the President, should be repealed. Just start over.

- Outsourcing. Yes, I get it. Companies that outsource have a higher profit margin because they capitalize on cheaper labor markets in expanding economies. That being said, I've cancelled credit cards because I didn't much care for the idea that someone literally half the planet away was looking at my stuff and trying to troubleshoot me in broken English. Don't get rid of outsourcing, but tax the holy bejeesus out of it to encourage companies to stay local. If more than 20% of their labor pool is out of the US, then just mark them as a non-US business and hammer punch them fiscally.

While I'm not going to jinx myself by saying I'm in a semi-economy resistant job, I kinda am. And unlike last time when this happened, and I was unemployed for a year, I'm glad I am where I am. But it's about time politicians pulled their heads out of their asses and fixed our shit. And no, don't do it for re-election, do it because it's your fucking jobs.

Where Am I And What's Going On??

Hollywood: Hey Azurael, Anne Hathaway's going to be the next catwoman.

Azurael: What?? Are you serious? God they'll pick anyone for that role! I'm still pissed about Halle Berry!

Hollywood: Well, we're still going to put her in a catsuit and boots.

Azurael: Throw in a motorcycle and you got yourself a deal.

"In All Reality, God Hates You".....

Okay, I promised myself I would never be sucked into the idiocracy that is tween music, but I saw this and I just lost my composure.

Justin Bieber standing side by side with his dad, after getting "Jesus" tattooed on their sides in Hebrew. There is so much wrong with this pictures, I'm just going to drop the fail bomb in bullet style format:

1) Dude, Justin, between you and me. You just standing there with your shirtless father...kinda looking a bit gay yo. Take your hand off his shoulder.

2) Does your dad play the flute? Tell him soul patches are the earmark of douche.

3) I find it disturbing that both of you have the EXACT same body definition.

4) Seriously...take your hand off his shoulder.

5) And finally, for every douche in the world (starting with you and daddy dearest) who gets a tattoo to show their "love of Jesus/God/deity of choice"

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own" (1 Corinthians 6:19)

- You know what this means winners? If you're so stoked to prove your loyality to God, you're kinda screwing it up by marking up the temple of the Spirit with Hebrew, or Chinese, or whatever the fuck language you find fashionable at the time. If you're going to physically espouse your religious beliefs all over your body, at least take the time to read the fucking user's manual first.

Bieber, stop being weird with your dad, and get on the Wheel. Hebrew? Really?

You're family's German fuckface...here's your Coat of Arms:

And what kind of girl has flowers on his Coat of Arms? God you're a little girl down to your heritage!!

No Carbo Loading Here

fig. 1-1 The Official Shoe of Douches Everywhere

In classic corporate styling, I've spent the last day and a half in meetings with fellow coworkers, accomplishing in 12 hours what could have been done probably in 2, but no matter, I'm still getting paid.

Went to the gym yesterday to do some chest work with my personal trainer. I learned several very awesome things I hope never to relive over the course of my life:

- Panic attacks when you're halfway through doing the incline press of your near max is just awesome. Let's never do that again. Even extra special for my trainer who thought his training methods would be responsible for exploding my heart.

- Had some blonde check staring at me while I was using the cables. Not checking me out, no. She was dead on squared up to me staring at me from about 5 feet away. Per my usual tactic, I completely avoided eye contact as I'm pretty sure it was due to an issue of disgust with me as a person, and not because I look awesome when I'm sweating buckets of sweat.

- Was at day three of not smoking, and remembered that nothing is better after a heavy lift than a cigarette. Man, I miss smoking. So instead I compensated by just coming home and eating a mountain of Dots candies and ramen.

Great.

Bonus Blog! Something Is Now Rotten

Dear MTV,

Happy Birthday on turning 30.

Why do you call yourself MTV? You don't play music videos any more. Hell, even MTV2 doesn't play music videos any more.

All you really do is play nothing but reality tv these days. The Real World started that trend, am I right? How's selling out your entire original fan base so you can show the world how retarded Snooki is?

In closing, to you and everyone currently associated with your network who continues to crap on the original intent of MTV when it was created (while you were still a dirty thought in your fathers brain), go fuck yourselves. The whole lot of you.

Love and kisses,

Azurael

Did I Miss It?

Another weekend has passed on by and I have little to show for it except a haircut and entering day 1 of not smoking (yes again....I know, I posted a while back I stopped...that's before I lost my smart phone and lost track).

As of today, I've had one glass of wine in the last 2 months. Enter into the non-smoking world and the weekends should continue to get much duller. Don't drink, don't smoke...what do I do?

Xbox. Lots of it. And when that gets old, I go back to the old school computer games that literally take weeks to beat (if you're playing them on the right difficulty level).

Oregon-B will be up this next weekend, won't he be dutifully suprised that his drinking buddy is on the wagon. Oh well, nothing ALOT of caffine can't replace!

I don't really have an end date of my prohibition on booze, I guess just when I know I've got a bit more self control and actually remember how to say "when"......oh yeah, and not wake up after a Saturday night bender with someone else's barf on the back of my shirt.

(And for the record, any grown non-Amish adult that says you can have fun without drinking is full of it.)