Social Networking, You're Doing It Wrong

In flipping through random profiles on MySpace and FaceBook, I've noticed things that probably shouldn't piss me off, but the inevitably do anyway, and I'm sure most people in my situation can agree.

Loosely, I would submit the following as being completely moronic to have regarding your pictures on your social networking site:

- If you've cropped out someone from your picture using Microsoft Paint, please re size the image. I find it disturbing to see what should be a 5x7 picture, but I only see your head in the very upper left inch of the screen.

- If you have a kid, and there are more pictures of your kid solo on your networking page then you, you're a total loser.

- Same rule with pets. Once to two picture of your pet(s) is acceptable. Anything beyond that, including various captions as if the animal were talking, we'll you might as well buy 40 more cats/dogs because you've become that person.

- Ladies, if you're standing back-to-back with another girl in the picture and you're hold up imaginary guns, please punch yourself in the face right now. That crap got old 10 years ago. Seriously, I remember it from college.

- I really don't need to talk about what I call "MySpace" angles, but I will. If you are taking a picture of your self, and the angle-to-floor ratio becomes 45 degrees or more (i.e. the camera is above you shooting down at a diagonal angle) you've taken a "MySpace" angle...which means you're a fat pile of crap and you're attempting to capture what you believe your only redeeming quality is: for the men it would be their face...maybe a giant bicep. And for women, obviously their face/wild hair style (to draw focus away from the FAAAAT), and their giant boobs.

- Camera phone + flash + mirror = bright shining light with legs. Have someone take it for you.

- You probably should refrain putting pictures of yourself on your own social page drunk and passed out over a toilet. Save that for someone else to do it for you.

- Girls, no more "head-tilt touching-head" shots with your friends. Only the Olsen twins do that, and it's creepy.

- Guys, no more profile pictures showing your enormous beer guts. For all that is holy, have some modesty and suck it in or something.


I'm sure there's more, but this is a start. Once everyone on MySpace and Facebook can adhere to these rules, I'll figure out what's wrong next.