A New Level Of Depravity

I stumbled across this during my daily viewings of geek digest (i.e. www.geekologie.com) and where, oh where, to begin. There arn't enough verbal jabs that I have stored up on this one.

I believe the pinnacle to start on this trailor is the part where a supposed pre-teen uses the c**t word, and then moves on to the fact that she's got more moves than several superheros combined.

Up the same alley as the movie "Hard Candy", apparently girls are able to over power men with the greatest of ease before they're even out of High School. The movie "The Professional" pulled this off because they made the girl character flawed, but still gave her the attitude to be able to pull off killing someone.

Anyway, back to this movie. So, other then the fact that it stars the ever befuddled Nicholas Cage, it stars something even worse, a girl that bascially embodies the classic pedofiles dream. Yep, I f**king said it. You have a girl that goes through several costume changes, which usually consist of schoolgirl outfits and Manga style purple wigs, mix that up with her having a mouth like a sailor, and toss in a bit of the apparently unholy martial arts skills, and let's not forget her still wanting to act like a little kid, and there you go. Pedofiles will be LINING UP for this pile of uninspirational crap.

I've been in the Army, I've worked with ex-felons, so I'd like to think very few things offend me. This movie offends me. This movie offends me to the point I'd like to dook in a box, mail it to Nicholas Cage, pimp slap the parents of the kid actor, and force the director to watch "Epic Movie" without respite for 24 hours straight. I swear to f**king everything that is holy that Hollywood isn't even trying any more.

This trailor hasn't apparently gone widespread yet, but I'm sure when it does, there'll be plenty other people lining up to the right of me on this bullsh*t.

I'm Sorry, I Wasn't Aware My Xbox360 Could Travel Through Time

So in my usual impulsive, game buying nature, I decided to give hype a shot and bought this game because I understood it to be good. I understood the hype wrong.

I believe this is one of those rare times where a great game producer (i.e. Bioware) ends up putting out complete crap. Unfortunately, the hype was generated for the fact that Bioware was putting out this type of game.

Let's highlight the good parts of the game:

None

Now let's highlight the bad issues with the game:

- Graphics. I've played (and still play) some very old games and I've never been a graphics snob, especially playing my games on ancient tvs and monitors. These graphics were inexcusibly poor.

- Story. I'm a fan of backstory in games, but what designers need to remember is that their average consumer gamer is a dude. Not a guy, not a man, a dude. Dead Space had the perfect backstory with just enough depth, "stuck on a scary ship, need to repair it to get off, the chick you're working with turns out to be a traitorous bit*h, karma sucks". Perfect. Having to listen and memorize every NPC's backstory is not only a waste of my time, it's also a waste of work that could be spent instead on killing crap.

- Game play. I've only played a few games that actually play themselves, and this is one of them. When you go into combat, your character literally starts attacking enemies on it's on with not a press of any button. What is fun about this?

- Customization. The equipment and weapons customization was terrible. Graphics, design, and menu usage. Just spectacularly terrible.

- Downloadable Content. Okay, WTF am I paying $60 for a game that posted content you can buy online the same day the game is released? I equate this to software producers posting major patches for glitchy software after a program is released. There's no excuse for it.

Suffice to say, playing Dragon Age Origins was painful. I played it for about 10 hours and was absolutely not pulled into it. The fact that I bought a crappy game doesn't piss me off as much as the fact that many gamers will be duped into buying this crappy game because it has a big name on it. And what pisses me off even worse are there are those shills that are paid to post glowing reviews of this crap on sites like gamefaqs.com. (Go there and read any 10/10 reviews, those are shills, and full of complete b.s.)

Anyway Bioware, this is your warning from me. I already put your Dragon Age game on Goozex.com and got 1000 points for it. I will absolutely do the same if ya'll do it again with your next big game, whatever it is.

For The Record....

Here we go again with the usual media whoring of this unstoppable, baby crapping factory. The woman's put her body through enough trauma now that she's having kids born very prematurely. Bravo Dugger, you baby crapping cow. You're so hell bent on replacing your self worth with more children, you're actually putting not only the unborn ones at risk (because humans are not designed to have offspring like dogs), you're also risking the mental and social well being of your currently kids (i.e. how do you divide your time among your platoon of children).

I know, I know...the words of one anonymous blogger won't stop you for trying to reach your sunum bonum and crapping your 20th kid, but apparently you've never learned the idea of quality over quantity.

Your rep said "Michelle, who has been in the hospital recovering from a gallstone, was taken to the OR for an emergency c-section. The most important thing right now is for Mom and baby Josie to get as much rest as possible. The family is grateful for all the prayers and well wishes during their recovery."(Source: Dlisted.com). Well, despite the fact that it probably doesn't show, I am a God fearing man, and I'm going to spend the breathe I reserve for prayers, and while I'm thinking of you, I'm going to use that breath to smoke the biggest cigar in the world. I hope your recovery is as long and as painful as humanly possible. For the amount of damage your kids are going to experience down the line, I can only hope your suffering is 10x worse.

STOP BREEDING.

Delicious is spelled G-U-I-L-T-Y!

Finally, finally, finally....a case that's been judged correctly after I've probably blogged about hundreds of miscarriages of humanity.

Yes folks, she's guilty. The fact that her dna was all over the scene didn't help. The fact that her story changed about five different times didn't help. The fact that she kept smiling like an a$$clown did not help.

People from Washington, listen to me. Just because this blonde psychopath went to UW, doesn't make her innocent. And to Senator Cantwell (D) from Washington state, how F**KING big are your giant woman-balls to question the justice system of an entire country. You're a Senator, as they say in the Army, stay in your lane! Just because this girl was a resident of Washington state, doesn't give her a f**king pass for murder. I can guarentee that if this trial had involved some out of shape, unpopular guy from WSU (Washington State University)...he would have been found guilty (anyway) and no body would have missed a beat. Instead, she's portrayed as some innocent college girl and apparently we're required to back her because she's from the same state. Well, f**k that and f**k you Cantwell.

And to Amanda Knox, who's smilin' now?

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