A New Level Of Depravity

I stumbled across this during my daily viewings of geek digest (i.e. www.geekologie.com) and where, oh where, to begin. There arn't enough verbal jabs that I have stored up on this one.

I believe the pinnacle to start on this trailor is the part where a supposed pre-teen uses the c**t word, and then moves on to the fact that she's got more moves than several superheros combined.

Up the same alley as the movie "Hard Candy", apparently girls are able to over power men with the greatest of ease before they're even out of High School. The movie "The Professional" pulled this off because they made the girl character flawed, but still gave her the attitude to be able to pull off killing someone.

Anyway, back to this movie. So, other then the fact that it stars the ever befuddled Nicholas Cage, it stars something even worse, a girl that bascially embodies the classic pedofiles dream. Yep, I f**king said it. You have a girl that goes through several costume changes, which usually consist of schoolgirl outfits and Manga style purple wigs, mix that up with her having a mouth like a sailor, and toss in a bit of the apparently unholy martial arts skills, and let's not forget her still wanting to act like a little kid, and there you go. Pedofiles will be LINING UP for this pile of uninspirational crap.

I've been in the Army, I've worked with ex-felons, so I'd like to think very few things offend me. This movie offends me. This movie offends me to the point I'd like to dook in a box, mail it to Nicholas Cage, pimp slap the parents of the kid actor, and force the director to watch "Epic Movie" without respite for 24 hours straight. I swear to f**king everything that is holy that Hollywood isn't even trying any more.

This trailor hasn't apparently gone widespread yet, but I'm sure when it does, there'll be plenty other people lining up to the right of me on this bullsh*t.

I'm Sorry, I Wasn't Aware My Xbox360 Could Travel Through Time

So in my usual impulsive, game buying nature, I decided to give hype a shot and bought this game because I understood it to be good. I understood the hype wrong.

I believe this is one of those rare times where a great game producer (i.e. Bioware) ends up putting out complete crap. Unfortunately, the hype was generated for the fact that Bioware was putting out this type of game.

Let's highlight the good parts of the game:

None

Now let's highlight the bad issues with the game:

- Graphics. I've played (and still play) some very old games and I've never been a graphics snob, especially playing my games on ancient tvs and monitors. These graphics were inexcusibly poor.

- Story. I'm a fan of backstory in games, but what designers need to remember is that their average consumer gamer is a dude. Not a guy, not a man, a dude. Dead Space had the perfect backstory with just enough depth, "stuck on a scary ship, need to repair it to get off, the chick you're working with turns out to be a traitorous bit*h, karma sucks". Perfect. Having to listen and memorize every NPC's backstory is not only a waste of my time, it's also a waste of work that could be spent instead on killing crap.

- Game play. I've only played a few games that actually play themselves, and this is one of them. When you go into combat, your character literally starts attacking enemies on it's on with not a press of any button. What is fun about this?

- Customization. The equipment and weapons customization was terrible. Graphics, design, and menu usage. Just spectacularly terrible.

- Downloadable Content. Okay, WTF am I paying $60 for a game that posted content you can buy online the same day the game is released? I equate this to software producers posting major patches for glitchy software after a program is released. There's no excuse for it.

Suffice to say, playing Dragon Age Origins was painful. I played it for about 10 hours and was absolutely not pulled into it. The fact that I bought a crappy game doesn't piss me off as much as the fact that many gamers will be duped into buying this crappy game because it has a big name on it. And what pisses me off even worse are there are those shills that are paid to post glowing reviews of this crap on sites like gamefaqs.com. (Go there and read any 10/10 reviews, those are shills, and full of complete b.s.)

Anyway Bioware, this is your warning from me. I already put your Dragon Age game on Goozex.com and got 1000 points for it. I will absolutely do the same if ya'll do it again with your next big game, whatever it is.

For The Record....

Here we go again with the usual media whoring of this unstoppable, baby crapping factory. The woman's put her body through enough trauma now that she's having kids born very prematurely. Bravo Dugger, you baby crapping cow. You're so hell bent on replacing your self worth with more children, you're actually putting not only the unborn ones at risk (because humans are not designed to have offspring like dogs), you're also risking the mental and social well being of your currently kids (i.e. how do you divide your time among your platoon of children).

I know, I know...the words of one anonymous blogger won't stop you for trying to reach your sunum bonum and crapping your 20th kid, but apparently you've never learned the idea of quality over quantity.

Your rep said "Michelle, who has been in the hospital recovering from a gallstone, was taken to the OR for an emergency c-section. The most important thing right now is for Mom and baby Josie to get as much rest as possible. The family is grateful for all the prayers and well wishes during their recovery."(Source: Dlisted.com). Well, despite the fact that it probably doesn't show, I am a God fearing man, and I'm going to spend the breathe I reserve for prayers, and while I'm thinking of you, I'm going to use that breath to smoke the biggest cigar in the world. I hope your recovery is as long and as painful as humanly possible. For the amount of damage your kids are going to experience down the line, I can only hope your suffering is 10x worse.

STOP BREEDING.

Delicious is spelled G-U-I-L-T-Y!

Finally, finally, finally....a case that's been judged correctly after I've probably blogged about hundreds of miscarriages of humanity.

Yes folks, she's guilty. The fact that her dna was all over the scene didn't help. The fact that her story changed about five different times didn't help. The fact that she kept smiling like an a$$clown did not help.

People from Washington, listen to me. Just because this blonde psychopath went to UW, doesn't make her innocent. And to Senator Cantwell (D) from Washington state, how F**KING big are your giant woman-balls to question the justice system of an entire country. You're a Senator, as they say in the Army, stay in your lane! Just because this girl was a resident of Washington state, doesn't give her a f**king pass for murder. I can guarentee that if this trial had involved some out of shape, unpopular guy from WSU (Washington State University)...he would have been found guilty (anyway) and no body would have missed a beat. Instead, she's portrayed as some innocent college girl and apparently we're required to back her because she's from the same state. Well, f**k that and f**k you Cantwell.

And to Amanda Knox, who's smilin' now?

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We're Gonna Need Another Boat

The Pirate Bay is now down. Long live piracy...and strike another one up for Corporate bastards.

I Am Jacks Raging Bile Duct

I like to blog when there is soemthing on my mind, and especially when something is bugging me. Today, there is absolutely no shortage of idiocracy on the float in the world:

For Insane Dog Lovers - Just when you thought that the Snuggie couldn't be campy enough, they now make them for dogs. Before you go any further, please read that sentance again. This is comparably worse then people that dress their animals up. I mean really?

This biggest BS claim since someone said Pluto wasn't a planet - A Dr. Joan Luby (don't even get me started on the name) of Washington University in St. Louis is claiming that children as young as 3 years old can exhibit the symptoms of chronic depression. Fastforward completely through all the BS of this article to the part that reads "Previous research has suggested that rising numbers of preschoolers are taking psychiatric drugs, including Prozac, which is used to treat depression." Who the F**K is feeding children Prozac?! What doctor, nonetheless parent, would drug up a kid this young? Their brain isn't even fully developed yet and yet these morons have decided to start pumping their bodies full of drugs?? GOOD PLAN MORONS!

GIANT BRASS ONES - So despite the fact that Washington Mutual took the hugest dook known to the banking industry, the executives are actually suing to get MILLIONS in bonus that were listed to be paid in their employment agreements. These a-holes should be fortunate enough that the people that banked their didn't demand their head on a pike. Knowing someone who was a WaMu customer, yes, they did nickle and dime you to unholy hell. These executives probably need it anyway, in light of the fact that no self respecting bank would ever hire them. Greedy f**ks.

I'm sure there'll be more to come, because the faucet that pours dumb just never turns off.

I Moved To Seattle For This?

I can remember growing up in Idaho and hearing all about how bad the weather was in Seattle. The classic "raining too much, high suicide, etc.etc.etc." is what I always heard. Long, cold seasons, tons of rain, hardly ever sunlight.

Fast forward a few years to me actually living here. For every summer I've lived here in the past three years, it's been at least 90 degrees or above. This year, we've actually hit 103 degrees during the summer.

Looking around at the apartments here in Seattle, I have yet to find one with central air. But everyone that has grown up here keeps repeating like a broken record "oh, there's no need for it because it never gets that hot for that long". Apparently I'm living in a different Seattle then what I grew up hearing about because it's just too f**king hot to be.

KGB (542542) Is WROOOOOOONG.

The other day during a trip to the bar, whilst, I was drinking a beer, I decided to take the KGB (i.e. 99 cent cell phone google service) for a test run to see what they had to say to a few questions. Bascially, I was trying to play stump the chump with what is supposed to be an answer service.

Yes, they got the number of lifeboats on the Titanic correct, however, they did get a question wrong. And what I like to consider, a pretty easy question wrong.

Who said "that which does not kill us, only makes us strong"? No, they didn't say Kanye West, but they did say it was Goethe.

WRONG.

Ol' KGB needs to do abit more fact checkin' on their Friday nights. Guess I won't be usin' them anymore.

Lacuna Coil - BEST BAND EVER.

So backstory on this, I've been listening to Lacuna Coil, a metal band from Italy, since around 2003. Oregon-B exposed me to this band and with every album that gets released, I like them that much more.

The music is heavy, the lyrics are very well written, and let's just face it...Cristina, the lead singer (pictured above) is just smokin' hot, and even moreso in person!

I recently saw them a few days ago in concert at Neumos in Seattle. This was a tiny venue where I could have almost literally reached out and strummed on the guitars of the band. I was in the second row and loving it.

Their sound is perfect. Her and Andrea Ferro (the lead male vocal) have voices that don't need to be put through any mixing equipment because they are flawless. High energy show with a band that hasn't forgotten their roots. Every person on stage has refined their talent enough so that when they are all working together, it's just absolutely flawless and awe inspiring. I've been to many concerts and hands down, Lacuna Coil is the best band I have ever seen live. End of f**king story.

What makes it even more awesome is that Cristina actually shook my hand. :P Yep. I sound like a tween girl, but seriously...when you've listened to a band as much as I have listened to them, actually seeing the band live, and literally being 6 feet away from them is just something that is undescribable.

Lacuna Coil is an unstoppable musical juggernaut that I will follow FOREVER!!!

ROCK ON LACUNA COIL!

You Have To Be F**king Kidding Me

This is a joke about the "Good Idea Fairy". A mythical creature anyone in the military has known that comes around and gives the superiors "great ideas" on how to chance policies and SOPs to make things "better". However, the Good Idea Fairy is decidedly Un-Good, because it usually makes work harder, and only serves to piss off soldiers.

Now please prepare for a doozy.

In this article, a report developed on comission from the Pentagon has decided to urge the Department of Defense to ban any and all smoking in the military in order to save money on related health costs.

My favorite was the following quote: If the monetary costs of smoking don’t get the attention of Pentagon brass, the report also identified what it said was a “strong association between tobacco addiction and mental-health problems, among them mood disorders, schizophrenia and substance abuse” — not exactly the state that generals and admirals want their gun-toting charges to be in.

So wait, let me get this straight. They're connecting tobacco use with mood disorders and schizophrenia? I don't know much about mental disorders. I DO know that those types of disorders are genetic in nature and cannot be caused purely by an outside factor.

Also, seriously? Remove smoking completely? Soldiers and sailors constantly work out, eat well (at least in mess halls), and work in a safe environment (while not in wartime). If smoking is their only vice, I think they're gonna be okay.

Reading comments at the bottom of this article, a few people brought up the slippery slope arguement. If first smoking, what next? Remove all the Burger Kings from post? Remove all the soda machines? Stop selling Ding Dongs and remove alcohol from post?

This, ladies and gentlemen, is only a portion of why I had to leave the Army. The Army is not my fathers Army. The Army is slowly sliding into a sea of magoo, family friendly b.s. Officer clubs gave away to Community Clubs. Nowadays, if you're a single soldier, you pretty much get the backend of many benefits (i.e. maybe I wanted to live on post? Ah, I'm not married with kids, I'll get my butt off your post then.)

Flat out, this is just wrong. If smoking is banned from the military, John Wayne will come back and just start punching people out. Seriously.