You Want Me To Do What?

I've been going to the gym quite a bit with the intent to bulk up. According to my trainer, the only way I can do this is if I eat like a sumo wrestler with a gland problem.

Look, since pretty much the beginning of College, my breakfast has typically consisted of a big mug of coffee and whatever is in my console of my car on the way to work. The idea of waking up and eating a "hearty breakfast" is more disturbing to me than a oral bowel movement.

I've been trying to muscle down a protein bar, but it's pretty nauseating. Believe me I can eat when other people can't. Typically watching porn is the best time to get down on some pizza and beer.

At any rate, I guess I'll just be a skinny twig for the rest of my life.