As we approach the September of 2011, I recall joining the military as a bushy tailed eager beaver 2nd Lieutenant in the Military Police Corps of the United States Army. I joined with the intent to become the best at military law enforcement, and a master of the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice). With my under graduate in Criminal Justice and my family steeped in military tradition, I was ready to rebuild the military one position at a time.
Fast forward 5 years later. The military is giving all the law enforcement and prison jobs to military civilians (i.e. government fucking lackies) and I'm left being painted into a corner of the fact that the Army wants the Military Police to basically troll traffic routes for landmines and be the infantry-in-humvees. My dream is ended and I'm forced into the civilian world.
Armed with a duel Master's degree in HR Management and HR Development, I'm under the assumption that that combined with my 5 years of leadership abilities, that I'll be a prized item to middle management in any organization.
I was wrong.
With 2 weeks or less until my discharge date, I found myself desperate for a job. I went to a job fair under the guidance of a major headhunter organization with the promises of interviewing with several employers. I interviewed with four employers, and the only HR position I applied for, who said I did the best at defining HR practices, didn't hire me. I was hired as a "Store Manager in Training" under the Kmart program.
This means, that after an intensive 6 month training program at a store, I would be given my own store to be in charge of.
I was wrong....again.
After several months of training at a Seattle store, I was reassigned to a store in Tacoma, WA to assist due to the Christmas season (er...sorry, "Holiday season"). I was placed as an "interim" assistant store manager, to finish off my training so I could take my Store Manager position. At the end of 6 months, I was called by the District Manager to inform me that I would be taking a Department manager position at a store that was 2 hours commute from my current address. Mind you...this was on a Friday, and I was expected to report to work at the new store the following Monday.
Rewind about five months.
I came out of the military as a highly educated, highly motivated, highly trained and literally battle tested individual who was ready to raise up any company that would hire me to the next level. Going from a battle tested Captain in the Army to a store-manager-in-training at Kmart, I should have known what was coming.
Fucking booze.
Anyone who has worked retail knows the evils that possess the average white trash shopper when it comes to getting their 10 cent discount on Twinkies and store shelf wine. I remember my first day of training, being accosted by my "training coach" (Kmart refers to managers as "coaches"....probably to be more pc...well know what fuckers, coaches can't fire people and ruin their lives) because I had parked too close too the store. That was "for the customers".
As time drove on, I learned about people having great "shopping experiences", the importance of "facing product" (i.e. making sure there were no holes in the shelves when it came to whatever was being sold), and how important it was to sell totes (because of the markup) and hosiery (yeah...they didn't call it socks...they called it hosiery...hey, the 1870's called, they want their terminology back). And yes, for the record, I'd been yelled at more then a few times for not making sure the product wasn't "hole-free".
Suffice to say, I realized that people who resign themselves to retail are very shallow in terms of what they want to contribute to society. They have essentially resigned themselves in a career while waiting to die. My "coach trainer" at my first store was a guy named "Bob" who was in his late 40's, balding, and looked like he had died inside years ago. I remember one of his first comments to me ....no, to another co-worker about me (with me in earshot) being about how I didn't know "how to use an iron on a shirt". Okay there baldy, I can iron a fucking set of BDU's and field strip a MK-19 in 10 seconds...what can you do? Face the hosiery section?
I delve severely into drinking. And I mean DRINK-ING. I could crush a 5th of a boozy booze called UV Vodka in a night....and naturally report to work the next morning with a crushing hangover and a severe hatred of life.
I wouldn't be lying if I didn't admit that I tried to spend most of my time away from the customer, either in the backroom doing "inventory", or out in the shelves where most people didn't go restocking the shelves.
Reading all of this, most people would believe that it was simply the shock of going from a veteran Captain to a store manager at a retail store that would make me bitter, but no....Kmart had a hand in this.
Kmart has a policy that requires supervisors work a minimum of 55 hours per week. Which basically means that your days off shift every week, and most times, you don't get two days off.
Additionally, probably when times were bad, Kmart decided in their infinite wisdom that, managers can also assist on the floor. So they reduced the people working the sales floor, often leaving customers to wander about with no assistance.
Also...when I was hired, I was sent my benefits package with no explanation from any HR professional (which I would later take up as an HR Manager to promise one-on-one benefits explanations with each new hire).
And, being hired with the promise of being a Store Manager, then deciding I can up and move in the course of 2.5 days....well, that's just shitsville.
I could go on, but I won't. Why? Because it'll just make me want to pick up another bottle of booze, womanize as much as possible (that's a whole different story), and come to work everyday reeking of booze.
Kmart fucking sucks. Not for the fact that they invented the "Blue Light Special", but for how they treat their staff. The hours suck, the customer involvement policies suck, and the stores alone suck. Had it not been for my job with a .com company doing HR Management work, I would have never had a chance to throw my badge and keys on my bosses desk and walk out with both middle fingers busted up high.
So if you ever go to a retail store and have a positive experience, I highly recommend you make sure you compliment the help.
If you ever go to a retail store and have a shitty experience, I highly recommend you rip that fucker a new one on the most public scale possible.
Fuck you Kmart! (oh yeah, and Fuck You Bob! You're still pushing carts and I'm a motherfuckin' Director! Who's got the iron now bitch??)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment