Any More Often, And I'd Climb Over That Counter

I've only been to the DMV several times in my life. I lucked out early on because if you're in the military, they give you your ID for something crazy like 10 years. Had to go in today, thinking that it would be like it has been the few other times I've gone...mostly uneventful.

I was wrong.

It always starts out with that weird "take-a-number" lottery game, when you get to find out whether you've won and get to be helped right a way, or if you'll need to set up like you're stranded in the woods for days.

Happened to me, I pulled 178 and they were currently on 119. Awesome. On top of that, despite they had 5 windows built, there were only 2 windows actually running.

The customers were no easy going either. The worst were the ones who when their number was called, you could see them toting a massive pile of paperwork to the front window. "I had my arms surgically replaced with stalks of celery and wanted to apply for a new DL. This should be all the paperwork I need. Oh, and I'm paying in old, discarded 1915 stock certificats". There were people that were up at the window for easily 20 minutes. Then when my turn rolls around? Get up there, sit, tell the guy my address, I need a new ID, pay him $25, done. Literally 3 minutes. What the fuck is everyone else doing there that it would require so much time? I think they should have time limits. If they can't get their shit fixed in 10 minutes, they need to go to the back of the line.

And furthermore, DMV goers, if the line is an eternity and you want to help us all out, don't give your low numbered ticket away to someone else. You're just fucking the entire room by doing that. If they're at 100, and you have 115, and you decided to bolt because you gotta get back to work, don't give your 115 to a person who has a 190. Why? Because I might have 116. Hell, the majority of the room probably have a 116 or above. So by doing this, instead of eliminating yourself from in front of me and helping out me and everyone behind you...you've basically taken the person from the back of the line and put them in your place. Honestly.

Third...let me get this straight. You're going to whole up a bunch of people in your waiting room for expected hours at a time, even put a pot of coffee in there, and not allow us to use the bathroom? Is this some messed up joke? You don't want to see where my priorities are if you're at 100, and my number is 110 and there's a garbage can close to me. I will seriously bust a leak in your waiting room because there is no way in hell I'm going to go to a bathroom somewhere else, come back and pull 224.

And finally, no...I won't fucking smile for my ID. I haven't smiled in any professionally related pictures in the history of my existance on this Earth, and after waiting 2 hours filled with people that smell like Russian cab drivers and beets, I refuse to smile for you. Take my fucking picture, give me my fucking ID card, and shut off.