The Army Of Me

Caveat: I would have posted Bjork's "Army of Me" video, but that hot mess was waaaaaay too weird for even me.

While I have absolutely no claim to state that I have multiple personality disorder, I do like to think of my being as being made up of many different consciousnesses. Alot of people that know me would describe my behavior and who I am as an "enigma". While I'm still trying to decide whether this is a good thing or not is still up in the air, I do take comfort in knowing I can really go many directions at any given time.

The following is Azurael in a nutshell:

My Inner Child

This little bastard I began to ignore years before even getting into High School. Always trying to act more mature then I should have, I eventually realized that I'm past the age of having fun in which I should have been having fun. Given he pops up now and again (typically after a few redbulls), most of the time, he usually just sits quietly in a corner.

My Absurd Kinky One

This feisty minx has a tendency to pop up at alllllll the wrong times. I'm not sure why or where it came from, but since I can remember, I've always been partial to the very exciting, and sometimes very wrong, twist on the act of "loooove making". Although not everything I've done I'm proud of, I do take pride in having her with me...because this way nobody can EVER accuse me of being some vanilla-a$$ed prude.

My Seether

This angry mo-fo popped up around puberty and he has been a sonafabitch since day one. He's made me do everything from start fights I knew I couldn't win to cut myself up worse then a GI Joe in a lawn mower. He has been reliable in the fact that when you can be as angry as this, there's really not much alot of people can really do to ruin your day.

My Drag Queen (aka "Virginity Steele")

She popped up around High School, when I didn't really have alot of friends. Despite my large hatred of many different subcultures, the gay community of my hometown actually turned out to be my biggest ally through some very harsh times in my High School and College years. While she's pretty much gone, I'm still kinda proud to have lived this life.

The Soldier (Caveat: "Old Army")

Since I could remember, I was always hell bent on being in the Military Police Corp. I grew up regaled with stories of the Army my parent experienced. The amount of honor, pride, and professionalism incorporated into the art of defending the country. This guy ensured I made it through life all the way through college and didn't mess up enough to lose my chance. Well, by the time I got to the Army, I realized I was surrounded by a bunch of knuckle dragging frat boys that were pretty much only interested in beer, real estate, and golf. And those rules about f**king Enlisted Soldiers? Well, they pretty much all paid no mind to them. All I know is that my father's Army was the Army I wanted to be in, not the current day nambi-pambi family lovin' douche fest it is now.

The Logic

In pretty much every job I've been in, I've been accused of seeing everything in "black and white". Typically because I've been in leadership positions, and in the process of enforcing policy and procedures, there really is no color. And ESPECIALLY in law enforcement. I rely heavily on logic and black and white even to this day.

The Gamer

While I consider myself far from being a bonafide nerd or geek, it is VERY safe to say I am a heavily addicted gamer. First person shooters being my weapon of choice, I'm pretty sure I'll be playing games until I can't hold a controller up with my own two hands. Then I'll learn how to operate the bumpers and the d-pad on an Xbox controller with my feet.

The Romantic

I locked this b***h away along time ago in a closet. I've learned that too much romance towards a woman can quickly backfire because they tend to expect it waaay to much. Oh, and the fact that after I got back from Iraq, I found the girl I had been in a relationship with, and was wooing from the other side of the Earth was f*cking another soldier. Yeah, not my fault.

The Poet

While closely related to The Romantic, this guy still comes out of hiding occasionally to let fly with creativity. He cropped up in the beginning Junior High with a crappy poem for school, and has from that point romanced girls, expressed hidden emotions, and has disturbed more than a few family members and friends.

The Self Destructor

This guy pops up when I really don't need him too. Fortunately I have either an unholy amount of dumb luck, or a legion of guardian angels that are on a 24 hour cycle to watch over my somewhat stupid a$$. Everything from falling out of windows to having a gin chugging contest with someone alot larger than me, this guy needs to just go away and not come back.

My Insanity

Extremely prone to popping up during episodes of little sleep and/or too much caffeine, this guy goes pretty damn wild when I least expect it. His friends are typically The Self Destructor and My Ubsurd Kinky One. He acts more as an inspirational force of nature over an actual stand alone influence itself.

Rage

This is last on the list because he's not one to crop up hardly at all. Usually when I get amped up to the point I can't stand stupidity, my radish snaps and I tend to unload. While not typically in a physical sense, I have unleashed some verbal barrages sharp enough to make grown men cry.