Should We Really Be Shocked By This?

Finally....finally, finally, finally...

In this story, the Duggar's (aka Baby Factory and Crappiest Parents Alive) latest pregnancy ended up in miscarriage.

Now I could go completely un-pc right now, and just eviscerate them in every sense possible with an "I finally told you so" the size of a planetoid. But it's just too easy.

Here's an idea, you have 19 kids. STOP BREEDING.

Man...Bachelorhood Blows...

So last week I posted a few semi-insane posts (can't...post...while...drunk) that only followers who receive my posts via email were "lucky enough" to receive.

Everyone else was spared from what was supposed to be the cynical, semi-laughable posts which I ordinarily shoot for. Whether it's ripping on fat people, or making fun of products (Snuggie) that (Snuggie) shouldn't (Snuggie) exist (Snuggie), I try to keep my posts pointed and at least able to arouse a dark hearted chuckle at least every now and again.

A couple of weeks ago, my significant other moved out leaving me to my own devices in a huge apartment. While I certainly enjoy not having to eat over the sink, and spitting in the shower, it's been a pretty long time since I was living on my own (try since 2005) so it's still a pretty big spinning ball to grasp.

The light side is that I'm no longer required to game in my nerd cave on my tiny 27" CRT tv, but instead, can game on the 42" plasma in the living room. I can eat Jack In The Box every night of the week (although, I wouldn't try it and/or recommend it), and I can burp as loudly as I want.

The obvious downside is that it takes time to get used to living alone again. I remember when I first joined the Army and it was my first time living alone. It was terrifying at first as I was living in a two bedroom town house (with 2 floors...get this, $425 a month...but again... it was the middle of Missouri), but after a while, it was totally my fortress of solitude. Despite the lack of furniture and the fact that I lived there 2 years before I bought a vacuum, it was the pimpinest bachelor pad ever.

The take away? If you're soon going to be living on your own...hang on tight!....And buy an Xbox!

Let's Talk About Karma

fig. 1-1 Yeah, I was disturbed by this picture too.

I know, you're probably thinking "Azurael...what the hell am I looking at". You're looking at Lynx and Lamb Gaede, the lead singers of the band "Prussian Blue". An obviously white supremisct group that involved two teenage, brainwashed girls.

Now a few reasons to hate them citing some information about the group:

"Prussian Blue was a white nationalist pop pre-teen duo formed in early 2003 by the mother of Lynx Vaughan Gaede[1] and Lamb Lennon Gaede,[2] sororal twin girls born on June 30, 1992, in Bakersfield, California.[3] The twins referred to the Holocaust as a myth[4] and their group was described as racist and white supremacist in nature...."

annnnnnndddddd

"The band was named after the color Prussian blue. In an interview with Vice Magazine, the twins stated, "Part of our heritage is Prussian German. Also our eyes are blue, and Prussian Blue is just a really pretty color." They also remarked, "There is also the discussion of the lack of 'Prussian Blue' coloring (Zyklon B residue) in the so-called gas chambers in the concentration camps."

So yeah, couple of know-it-all pre-teen twins that are supposidely "brainwashed" from their parenting. Riiiiiggghhhhttt. My parents raised me a certain way, and I was already disagreeing with that shit by the time I was 10.

No sympathy. When I first heard about this pair of sisters, I was pissed. Then much to my delight, I found the following out about them today:

"But both girls say the hardest part of the whole experience was dealing with the media, which they believe routinely misrepresented them and sensationalized their beliefs. Their time in the limelight subjected them to extraordinary stress, and appears to have contributed to severe health problems for both sisters. Lynx was diagnosed with cancer during her freshman year of high school and doctors removed a large tumor from her shoulder. Then she developed a rare condition called CVS, cyclic vomiting syndrome.

Lamb has struggled as well. She suffers from scoliosis and chronic back pain, as well as lack of appetite and intense emotional stress. During several of our conversations, she burst into tears as she agonized about how to balance her love for her mother with her desire to let the world know that the girls have moved on.

Approximately a year ago, Lamb and Lynx stumbled on a new treatment that they say has done wonders for many of these ailments.

“I have to say, marijuana saved my life,” Lynx told me. “I would probably be dead if I didn’t have it.” She discovered pot while recovering from her cancer treatments. She’d been prescribed morphine and OxyContin, which she quit cold turkey. One day when she was having a bout of nausea, a friend offered her a toke. She was reluctant at first. The girls’ biological father had been “a druggie” when they were young, Lynx said.

But the drug worked wonders, and soon Lynx became one of the first five minors to get a medical marijuana card in Montana. Now Lamb has one, too." Source

OH MY GRAVY. FINALLY, the giant three-assed beast that is Karma has swatted the shit out of people that need a good swattin'. One get's Cancer, and the other gets Scoliosis? Damn!

Now I have a saying, which you may have heard from "Scary Stories To Tell In the Dark." Is subscribed to "never ever laugh when the hearse goes by, for you may be the next to die". Well, in this case, they ain't dead, and I'm laughing my fucking ass off.

Even when they're trying to "move on" Lamb is telling us that everyone needs to "fricken" deal with it, and that Churchill was not one of the good guys? Fuck, that's the worst sense of remorse I've ever seen.

I'd tell you two dumbasses to get on the wheel, but I don't need a fucking puker and a cripple slowin' it down.

Welcome To My World...The World Of Full Blown Fucking Cynicism

fig. 1-1 Yes, that is a snake in a bottle of tequila.

I've been gone from the blogosphere for a while, why? Well, I'm not that open of a blogger yet, anonymity aside.

But I'm back, with my trusty old ass Razor phone (no...not the new one...the old ass one) and I've decided to start including snapshots of my reality into my blogs.

Yes, now you the read too can enjoy the disturbing details that is my life.

Just don't say I didn't warn you.

Microwave Mess In A Can! How Convienent!

I'm coming off of my brief haitus from blogging to bitch about Campbell's "Soup At Hand" product.

This item is basically soup in a microwaveable cup that you just "heat and sip". Well folks, it's just not that easy.

If you read the label, you'll find the very small warning "Uneven microwave heating may cause popping, movement of the cup and/or splattering". How about plain ol fuckin' tipping over on its side and flooding every crevas of inside your microwave with impossible to clean soup?

I had heated one of these once before, and the instant I noticed it was "popping" (read: literally bouncing up into the air an inch), I stopped the microwave and decided to drink luke warm soup instead of running the risk of losing it.

Today, I somehow forgot to keep a mean eye on this and sure enough, came back to it on it's side an my office's microwave flooded in "Chicken with Mini Noodles". Awesome. After spending an embarassing 10 minutes wiping out our microwave with approximately 20 brown papertowels, I got to enjoy the tepid 1/5 remaining contents of the can. Mmm mmm that was worth $1.50.

What I don't understand is that Campbell's is already aware of this problem. They never would have put the "popping" warning on the side had they not been aware of it. And yet they continue to make the container in the shape of an hour glass with the bottom slightly smaller than the top.

If they had any sense, they'd shape it more like a beaker (or a spill proof coffee mug) or at least with a flared bottom.

Instead, they got their $1.50, my co-workers got a messy ass microwave, and I got nothing but hunger.

Thanks Campbell's!

"I'm Not Too Overqualified To Pay My Rent"

Dear All Human Resource Recruiters Everywhere (except that one woman in West Seattle),

You need to get off your goddamn high horse in that giant ass ivory tower your in.

Just because they say you're the "gatekeeper" of the business doesn't mean you can put your own personal slant on who you should hire. That's not your fucking job. Your job is to support the needs of the HIRING MANAGER.

Go fuck yourselves and die.

All my love,

Azurael

"Azurael, Azurael, Where Have You Been...?"

I should say London to see the Queen, but I've actually been burning up 10 hour days at work getting my ass kicked by my multitude of bosses.


Livin' the dream right?

Once Again, I Scream Bullshit Sandwiches

Once again, the justice system has miscarried all over the floor, and the table, and the chairs, and the walls, and the...you know what...we'll just need a few mops.

I could go into how this court case got messed up, or how we're freeing a couple who is guilty as all shit...but I'm not going to. Amanda Knox did that shit, and once again, a murderer goes scott free.

The takeaway from this, quoting a coworker "it's a good year for murdering people and getting away from it if you're a hot chick."

Yeah, I quoted it.

Had Amanda Knox been a dude, this would have been a non-issue. Or semi-ugly for that matter.

TEH FAIL.

"Uh....I Already Served My Country."

I went to the courthouse today as I was summoned to Jury duty. I now know what purgatory must be designed to feel like.

Three hours I sat in a massive room with several hundred other people, listening to faint Muzak playing, watching people getting lost in their own brains. Bad day to be hungover to say the least.

Upon showing up, we had to document as to whether we had a problem charging someone with various crimes, and if a trial (which would end MID NOVEMBER) would result in a hardship for us. The answers for those questions were no and HELL TO THE YES! I can't leave my work for almost 2 months and live off $10.

I thought some people liked jury duty, but not after this experience. Hell, even the people working for the Courthouse were talking about how much jury duty sucks.

Blech. Thank gravy for the hardship clause. Hearing my name called to be excused was like a won a mini-lottery.

Awesome.

Bonus Blog! Synthetic Delights

There are alot of things that make me angry in the world. And when I get angry, I get angry for a long time.

Then I see Anne Hathaway in a catsuit and boots...and suddenly everything is okay in the world.

Then I see Gary Oldman standing behind her looking all frumpy and I become sad.

Oh well.