14 January, 2013

Shit Canned!


Well, long time passing. Ended up getting canned all over the place last Friday.

Might be a bad thing? Not really on my end.

For the three years I worked for my employer, I've seen a countless number of idiotic decisions made at the Corporate level, and I almost say with a bit of humor that I was absolutely relieved to be canned. Furthermore when I was told I'd continue to get paid through the end of the month, and that my unemployment claim would go unchallenged (like I needed that seeing as how I've destroyed every HR professional I've bumped heads with).

That being said, my team is sadly left behind to deal with the dumbest leadership on the face of the planet. That bums me out to no end because they work hard on a daily basis, they deserve alot better than that.

Enter: the employment underground. I'm going to assist them in whatever way possible to locate different employment, thusly leaving my previous job a giant, air sucking hole in the ground.

W00t!

15 December, 2012

What Now Shall We Do?

fig. 1-1. Yes, Fiverr is addictive

So big heaping pile of bad at work. I've been placed on administrative leave (paid...thank God) because I showed up to a staff meeting after a reasonable night of drinking. Apparently the smell of booze on you is never a good thing to have at work. Neat....

So before returning to work, I have to undergo a Drug and alcohol assessment. Not to say I'm going to blow the doors off the assessment, but I quote the Joker in that "wait until they get a load of me."

05 December, 2012

Time Don't Stop...And Neither Does My Cynical Nature....


Fellow readers.

First and foremost, apologies for my spotty posts. As you've read sporadically, I've been going through what I can describe as the best (coughcoughworstcoughcough) year of my life.

That being said, I'm still committed to sharing the wealth of my hatred of all things humanity as ever.

Do I have more empathy for those that have suffered personal loss? Yes. Do I have my sympathy for those who struggle? Without question.

Will I no longer rip on people who have too many kids, eat way too much, or get away with crimes unpunished? No f**king way.

Help me help you. ;)

I'm Back...And I Brought Friends......


Yeah, I found Fiverr.com, and I've decided to give it a whack.

In this, I found a Scotsman with a dulcet voice who read one of my previous rage posts. Found here.

Damn. Everything does sound better in Scottish....

25 September, 2012

fig. 1-1. Yeah....my job.

Best day ever (*fart noise).

Received the 2nd write up (within two weeks) from my son-of-a-bitch boss for basically nothing within my control.

How is it, as a leader, can I be held accountable for something my staff does at 3am in the morning? If they decide to tapdance up and down the street naked smearing their bodies with green jello (which didn't happen, just trying to make a point), that can't be my fault.

My new boss is one of the classic leadership failures "the-beatings-will-continue-until-morale-improves", and has me on a 30 day Performance Action plan...which I, having a dual Master's in HR knows of as the Kiss of Death.

NOBODY ever lives through a corrective action plan. Those things are court documents that show that they "tried" to make things better.

Got an idea bitch, instead of writing me up and tell me what's broke, why don't you be proactive and tell me how to fix it?

F*cking Human Beings.

24 September, 2012

Dubbya-Tee-FRENCH??

fig. 1-1. Heh?

Blogger fans.

Apologies for the lack of a presence, but ALOT of sh*t has happened and I'm finally crawling my sad-ass out of the depths of despair...(empowering right? ;)

Soooo, let's play catch up bullet style!

  • Dad died. (Rest In Peace Dad....you were my greatest hero, and I'm bent on making you proud)
  • Uncle...Dad's twin brother died (Rest in Peace Uncle...I love you because you made Dad so happy)
  • Received my first complaint from the EEOC (apparently, you cant fire a black woman...EVER)
  • Received my first write-up in my entire professional career (yeah, done poorly I might add)
  • Started therapy again (weeeee! I made my therapist do a spit take!)
  • Tried to figure out this new blogger format!
That all being said, I'm committed to delivering to you my daily rants about all the b.s. that happens in this world, along with shameless pics and stories of women in boots, spandex, latex, and just everything that awesome.

Guess what.....I'M BACK BITCH!

Azurael

05 May, 2012

Can't Stop, Won't Stop...Wirka Wirka!

I'm comin' back bitches...and I'm more cynical then ever.... ;)

09 December, 2011

Should We Really Be Shocked By This?


Finally....finally, finally, finally...


In this story, the Duggar's (aka Baby Factory and Crappiest Parents Alive) latest pregnancy ended up in miscarriage.

Now I could go completely un-pc right now, and just eviscerate them in every sense possible with an "I finally told you so" the size of a planetoid. But it's just too easy.

Here's an idea, you have 19 kids. STOP BREEDING.

28 November, 2011

Man...Bachelorhood Blows...



So last week I posted a few semi-insane posts (can't...post...while...drunk) that only followers who receive my posts via email were "lucky enough" to receive.


Everyone else was spared from what was supposed to be the cynical, semi-laughable posts which I ordinarily shoot for. Whether it's ripping on fat people, or making fun of products (Snuggie) that (Snuggie) shouldn't (Snuggie) exist (Snuggie), I try to keep my posts pointed and at least able to arouse a dark hearted chuckle at least every now and again.


A couple of weeks ago, my significant other moved out leaving me to my own devices in a huge apartment. While I certainly enjoy not having to eat over the sink, and spitting in the shower, it's been a pretty long time since I was living on my own (try since 2005) so it's still a pretty big spinning ball to grasp.


The light side is that I'm no longer required to game in my nerd cave on my tiny 27" CRT tv, but instead, can game on the 42" plasma in the living room. I can eat Jack In The Box every night of the week (although, I wouldn't try it and/or recommend it), and I can burp as loudly as I want.


The obvious downside is that it takes time to get used to living alone again. I remember when I first joined the Army and it was my first time living alone. It was terrifying at first as I was living in a two bedroom town house (with 2 floors...get this, $425 a month...but again... it was the middle of Missouri), but after a while, it was totally my fortress of solitude. Despite the lack of furniture and the fact that I lived there 2 years before I bought a vacuum, it was the pimpinest bachelor pad ever.


The take away? If you're soon going to be living on your own...hang on tight!....And buy an Xbox!

23 November, 2011

Let's Talk About Karma

fig. 1-1 Yeah, I was disturbed by this picture too.



I know, you're probably thinking "Azurael...what the hell am I looking at". You're looking at Lynx and Lamb Gaede, the lead singers of the band "Prussian Blue". An obviously white supremisct group that involved two teenage, brainwashed girls.



Now a few reasons to hate them citing some information about the group:


"Prussian Blue was a white nationalist pop pre-teen duo formed in early 2003 by the mother of Lynx Vaughan Gaede[1] and Lamb Lennon Gaede,[2] sororal twin girls born on June 30, 1992, in Bakersfield, California.[3] The twins referred to the Holocaust as a myth[4] and their group was described as racist and white supremacist in nature...."


annnnnnndddddd


"The band was named after the color Prussian blue. In an interview with Vice Magazine, the twins stated, "Part of our heritage is Prussian German. Also our eyes are blue, and Prussian Blue is just a really pretty color." They also remarked, "There is also the discussion of the lack of 'Prussian Blue' coloring (Zyklon B residue) in the so-called gas chambers in the concentration camps."

So yeah, couple of know-it-all pre-teen twins that are supposidely "brainwashed" from their parenting. Riiiiiggghhhhttt. My parents raised me a certain way, and I was already disagreeing with that shit by the time I was 10.


No sympathy. When I first heard about this pair of sisters, I was pissed. Then much to my delight, I found the following out about them today:



"But both girls say the hardest part of the whole experience was dealing with the media, which they believe routinely misrepresented them and sensationalized their beliefs. Their time in the limelight subjected them to extraordinary stress, and appears to have contributed to severe health problems for both sisters. Lynx was diagnosed with cancer during her freshman year of high school and doctors removed a large tumor from her shoulder. Then she developed a rare condition called CVS, cyclic vomiting syndrome.

Lamb has struggled as well. She suffers from scoliosis and chronic back pain, as well as lack of appetite and intense emotional stress. During several of our conversations, she burst into tears as she agonized about how to balance her love for her mother with her desire to let the world know that the girls have moved on.

Approximately a year ago, Lamb and Lynx stumbled on a new treatment that they say has done wonders for many of these ailments.

“I have to say, marijuana saved my life,” Lynx told me. “I would probably be dead if I didn’t have it.” She discovered pot while recovering from her cancer treatments. She’d been prescribed morphine and OxyContin, which she quit cold turkey. One day when she was having a bout of nausea, a friend offered her a toke. She was reluctant at first. The girls’ biological father had been “a druggie” when they were young, Lynx said.

But the drug worked wonders, and soon Lynx became one of the first five minors to get a medical marijuana card in Montana. Now Lamb has one, too."
Source

OH MY GRAVY. FINALLY, the giant three-assed beast that is Karma has swatted the shit out of people that need a good swattin'. One get's Cancer, and the other gets Scoliosis? Damn!



Now I have a saying, which you may have heard from "Scary Stories To Tell In the Dark." Is subscribed to "never ever laugh when the hearse goes by, for you may be the next to die". Well, in this case, they ain't dead, and I'm laughing my fucking ass off.



Even when they're trying to "move on" Lamb is telling us that everyone needs to "fricken" deal with it, and that Churchill was not one of the good guys? Fuck, that's the worst sense of remorse I've ever seen.



I'd tell you two dumbasses to get on the wheel, but I don't need a fucking puker and a cripple slowin' it down.