Hollywood Is Officially Dead

  Taking a break of my epic quest that I call "holy-shit-can-I-please-get-a-job-yet?" I digress to a review of a movie I watched last night.

   I had the opportunity to watch "Movie 43" or "Jack The Giant Slayer". Naturally going currently with my luck, I went with Movie 43.

   Wow....did I fuck up.

   I'm not going to peel this movie apart to show how bad it is because I wouldn't exactly know where to start, and I'd never stop. Let's just say this is probably the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. That takes the coveted spot pushing gems like "Date Movie" to 2nd place.

   This is another example of movies where I wonder just how high or mentally retarded I need to be to actually think this shit is funny. My brain wanted me to think this was funny because it had ALOT of big stars in it, but it wasn't there.

   This must have been written by a 5 year old, because it's just littered with genital and toilet jokes, ironically, none of them that actually landed.

   What the fuck Hollywood. Have your standards all but just evaporated at this point? This is a serious argument to pirating movies again just to make sure I don't lose $6 watching movies on demand.

    I'm not the only one who thinks this. This steaming pile of movie recieved a 19/100 on Metacritic and a 4% from Rotten Tomatoes. It would have been lower, but naturally the shills are on the boards screaming about how we "just don't understand good humor" and that it had "laugh out loud moments".

  Ugh.

My Sobriety Has A Shelf Life, And Unemployment Has Just Invented Time Travel

   So in my daily doses of crappy daytime television, I see ALOT of banking and insurance commercials. Just a ridiculous amount of them. They all have the same common theme which typically boils down to "your family is your everything, now go out and make shit happen." Which now that I type it out, doesn't make alot of sense, but that's pretty much it.

   Problem #1, what about us fuckers that don't have familys? Are we lesser beings as the result thereof?

   Problem/Issue #2, the statement "go out and make it happen/follow your dream" makes me want to donkey punch a nun. Fuck you. If shit was as easy as "going out and doing it", I'm pretty sure all disease would be curable, and people would know how to shit diamonds right now.

   Entering my 5th month of unemployment, I'm noticing that oh so familiar shift of my sanity from being optimistic and upbeat about potential job prospects, to wanting to burn down a school everytime I get the same canned rejection letter.

   Don't tell me "you had impressive qualifications, but we decided to pursue another candidate" because obviously you don't know what the fuck "impressive" means. It means "damn, we should interview this guy". I would rather the statement said "you had nothing on the other guys, and your cover letter pretty much left you shitting the bed in hopes of getting this job."

   Who the fuck is getting hired these days???

Annnnnd....Here We Go Again...

fig. 1-1 "Wait....who is this?......What the fuck?"

  So as I posted recently here, I got cock blocked for a job at a pretty huge organization (rejection #2 within a 24 hour period) and was told I made it "really far" in the process and that other job openings were going to be posted.

  My initial knee-jerk "fuck that, fuck you, fuck the horse you rode in on, fuck your mother, fuck your father, fuck your Bible, fuck fuck fuck" eventually wore off and yes, I applied for another job with the organization. That was several weeks ago. Low and behold, I got a call today saying they want to interview me for the position. Bear in mind, this position will be for a position which reports to the position I first applied for.

  Hmm. Sticky wicket this one is. I've never actually interviewed for two jobs with the same organization. The positive side is 1) I already kinda know what they're going to ask 2) I DID make it far in the process for the last job which shows I am somewhat of an organizational match and 3) I'm probably going to have the same panel to interview me, which is good because it'll make adapting to their personality easier.

 The negative side of this is only that if I don't get it this time, I'm probably going to explode the moon with my rage soaked mind.

Run For The Hills!

  So last week I decided to pay around $30 to have my resume posted on various job seeking websites, with the futile hope that recruiters would magically stumble across me and think "wow, I gotta get this guy".

  NOPE.

  So far I've received at least 5 different emails and at least one phone call from Insurance Companies offering me, not a job interview, but a "career opportunity". Folks, be weary of these kind of calls. The red flags you should listen for is obviously "career opportunity", any mention of life insurance, and if they tell you to wear business attire to the job interview. Duh, what would I wear to an interview? Oh, nevermind, it's not an interview, but a pyramid scheme presentation you and about 30 other people will end up getting sucked into, wasting valuable time in the process that could be spent getting a job.

  Basically how it works is they sell you about being "in business in yourself" by selling life insurance (and or other crap people don't wanna talk about) and all you need to do is pay into the company to get the insurance license and for various training materials.

  I recently ran across someone that I worked with you got sucked into this work cult. She was excited about it, especially after having a meeting with a "Regional Director" in the same career field.

  Now hold up, how can you be a "Regional Director" if you're working for yourself? Are your cats your frontline staff?

  Jesus wept. Just wanna work!

Should I Freak Out Yet?

 So it's been quiet in the employment seeking world, a bit tooooo quiet. And it's pissing me off.

 I've begun to contemplate moving back to the small town in Idaho I grew up in and essentially mashing the reset button on my life.

 Half of me doesn't want to admit defeat and that despite my education and skill set, I'm just an abject failure in the eyes of the world.

On the other half....well, fuck Seattle.

That's pretty much it....

New Blog Launch!

fig. 1-1 No, not me. I don't own a guitar....

 After various amounts of inspiration and the fact that men these days continue the downward spiral into being more metrosexual, I've decided to fire off a new blog about a code of being a bachelor.

 This differs somewhat from guy code, but there is alot of overlap. 

 I think it'll provide single guys reassurance about what's normal when you're single and on your own. I think it'll probably also provide an interesting (or terrifying) viewpoint about what we guys do when we're not in a relationship.

You can find that sparkling new blog HERE.

Don't worry, I'm still cynical and pissed off enough to keep this shitstorm blog a'flowin. ;)

Is This Where I Ask What The Next Step Is?

fig. 1-1 Don't do this in a job interview....

  Had a job interview today that I wasn't trying all that hard for....pretty much since I applied for it.

  This is one of those jobs that I ran across and thought "yeah, I could do that I guess". The pay is meh, the job duties are meh, everything was meh.

   To my somewhat surprise, a few days after I sent the application, I received a questionnaire asking me secondary questions about what applies to the job. I spent about 5 minutes just vomiting out a response and shipped it off without neary a "meh".

   Then I got an interview. Hmm. Didn't even try....so be it.

   Went into my interview today with a "meh" attitude. Again, not that I'm not greatful for getting an interview, but rather, this job doesn't give me the career-oriented "chubby" that the other jobs I got shot down for. Per usual, it was a panel interview, and after looking at the first question, I pretty much already know I'm not getting this when they started off with a question about social work (which yeah, I don't really do).

   That interview was a few hours ago and I already can't remember half of it. I'm not really sure if it's the fact that I'm not totally stoked about the job opportunity, or whether I'm just fucking tired of doing everything to put my best foot forward only to have hit kicked to the side. 

   Ho-hum.

Greybies....Seriously.....WTF.

  Malingering as usual on a Monday afternoon with the tv on in the background, I heard a commercial for Inside Edition talking about new and expecting mothers having "Greybies".

   Without a moment to even wonder if this was perhaps a relative to rabies, they went on to explain that women are now getting pregnant, possibly in levels to a "boom" due to the novel "50 Shades Of Grey".

   Leaving me with the soul sucking, WHAT THE FUCK NOW feeling that typically would only happen if I owned a house boat. Then said house boat sprung a leak, got hit by a meteor, had a pack of ferrell dogs shit all over it, then somehow have it crash land into someone else's yard. Yeah, that what the fuck now moment.

   Let's hold the boat nonsense for a second and talk about the merits of "mothers" claiming that they have a kid that was conceived due to a nasty book. First an excerpt or two:

“At the touch of leather, I quiver and gasp. He walks around me again, trailing the crop around the middle of my body. On his second circuit, he suddenly flicks the crop, and it hits me underneath my behind … against my sex … The shock runs through me, and it’s the sweetest, strangest, hedonistic feeling … My body convulses at the sweet, stinging bite. My nipples harden and elongate from the assault, and I moan loudly, pulling on my leather cuffs.” (323)

“I pull him deeper into my mouth so I can feel him at the back of my throat and then to the front again. My tongue swirls around the end. He’s my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle. I suck harder and harder … Hmm … My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.” (137)

   Soooooo, mother's....when your self-acclaimed "greybies" grow up and end up reading this, they're going to find out you're an S&M addled wanna-be-slut. Hmm. We're off to a good start.

    Seriously, think of the amount of kids that were born as the result of regular ass porn. We don't have classifications of children relating to the copious amounts of video and internet porn that guys watch, nor would it be acceptable. I guess the only upside to women introducing their precious crotch fruit as "greybies" is that I know mommy likes it weird....

    This moves on to the just series of books in general. I fucking hate the fan fare over this for several reasons. First and foremost, dudes have been asking girls for kinky shit in the bed since the dawn of time...and it only takes an overweight female author who has a self-deprecating main character that tries to somehow play the "slut" and self-empowered "inner goddess" at the same time? No no no no no. Those ideas are incompatible. If your character is getting plowed in the ass with a wine bottle, she is not at that point exerting any form of power over the situation. Seriously.

   Secondly, and more importantly, chicks aren't wired to like this kinda shit. Yeah, I'm sure they like being tossed around, hair pulled, blah blah blah. But when it comes to stuff that men can do better than women, kink is pretty much the mountain we play king on, and no matter hard you try, you can't push us off. I've gotten into countless arguments with women who claim to be "wilder and kinkier"...and subsequently end up deep throating only a giant serving of humble pie in the process.

   Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's legions of married men out there that sacrificed a goat to the author once their numb sex life was briefly brought back to life with handcuffs and whatever (ooooh...handcuffs....*snore*), but the idea of the she-walrus that wrote this book writing nasty shit like that? That worse then finding out one of the Golden Girls directed 2 Girls 1 Cup. Gross.

"But You Got Really Far In The Process...."

 In a one-two combo punch of wonderment, I found out both yesterday evening and at the butt crack of dawn this morning that the two jobs I had interviewed for (a billion years ago), I was not selected for.

  Now ignoring the fact that I exceeded all of the job requirements they were looking for, the fucker we've all known to grow and love (aka "Another Candidate") got picked over me.
 
   Okay, got it. Someone out there is bettered suited for the job than me. But again as I've previously pointed out, if you're going to shoot me down, please don't try to fucking sugar coat it in the process. That just makes me second guess your actual thinking process during the hiring.

   Rejection #1 was relayed to me in the form of an almost minute long voicemail in which they stated they decided to go with another candidate. But then was followed up with "you're a very smart, talented, and skilled individual and I hope you all the luck in the world." Really? So you're not seeking intelligence, talent and skills in this job? Unless the other candidate was VERY VERY smart, blah blah blah. Fuck I'm glad that one went to voicemail.

   Rejection #2 was early as hell this morning whilst in the process of me zombie-staggering out of bed to make coffee. I was informed that another candidate was selected, but I was comforted in the fact that I made it "very far in the application process". Well lah-de-fuckin'-dah. I'd feel alot better if that'd gotten me the job. And you didn't need to tell me that other positions will be posted with your organization shortly because I really don't feel like applying for another job there, going to multiple interviews on the other side of the fucking planet, get dick tease for almost a month only to find out once again that I made it right up until the end, but Mr./Mrs. Another Candidate got the job instead.

  Fuck. Back to the fucking drawing board.

I Didn't Apply To Safeguard Nukes

fig. 1-1 What I do Monday through Friday, 0900 to 1700.....

  Just got another call today for a job I interviewed for two weeks ago. This obviously being the week after the previous week for which I was told I was going to be hearing from them.

  Now I'm not one to criticize due diligence, but the bottom line is this: if you can't get a hold of all of my employment references, calling me several times to ask about the same termination I went through isn't going to make it better. Yes, I got fired. Alot of people get shit canned daily. But when I speak to three of separate HR professionals from your organization about it, it begins to make me severely feel like shit. The fact that I got the boot is bad enough, but having to tell the ridiculous story time after time is just a really weird way to kick me while I'm down.

  In a nutshell, I got fired for messy petty cash receipts among other things. No, I didn't get fired because I was banging a coworker in the breakroom, or doing coke off a hooker's ass in the bathroom, or even for stealing staples from the company. I got canned for having what the powers that be deemed to be an "unruly organizational system". 

   So now, I'm forced to once again run round-and-round in my head as to whether they'll believe me and potentially give me the job, or if I've had my hopes escalating for almost three weeks for no point.

   Little tip to all you potential hiring managers out there. If you interview someone, and they simply don't cut the mustard, just tell them right away. Don't make them wait weeks in pure unadulterated mental anguish while you eventually get around to giving them the canned "we decided to pursue a better candidate" speech.

   This is fuckin' KILLING ME.