I've All The Vitamin D I Need

Taking a break from the energy sapping rants, I wanted to discuss a phenomena that I've experienced ever since moving out on my own and into the world.

It involves sunlight. I really don't like sunlight. It's difficult to see on a clear day, sunburns suck, you can't play baseball, etc.etc.etc. For whatever reason, I'm just the kind of person that prefers overcast and living in places that receive little to no direct sunlight. I'm usually immediately accused of having some form of vampirism when this fact comes out, but I gave up the whole "goth" thing years ago.

This became painfully obvious when I lived with a roommate in college who LOVED light. During the day, he'd open all the shades, and at night, he'd have every light on in the apartment. I swear when I came home from work, there was essentially a laser beam shooting out of the peep hole in the door. I would then proceed with the routine of entering and turning off every light in the apartment except for the one at the computer desk where he was usually parked.

I'm now in a bit of a pickle because at the end of this weekend, I'll be moving to an apartment with more space and more windows. Further more, unlike my current cave dwelling, some of these windows actually face direct sunlight. So the plan is either to get really thick blinds, or to reinforce my nerd cave (spare bedroom that will be a gaming room) with heavy blinds, refridgerator, and toilet. This way I can keep out of the rays way. Bizarre? Maybe.

As much as my behavior may confuse people, I'm equally confused by the people here in Seattle that go flocking to the "beach" (it's not a beach if you can see the other side of the body of water) when the sun shows itself for the first time in 8 months. I understand that on nice days, people want to go out and air off. But this weird need to be out "sunning" all the time just confuses the hades out of me. Especially in light of melanoma and people that look like dried up, burlap sacks by the time they're 30 because they've had too much sun. Although the idea behind tans alone also confuses me, it's everyone's justification to "get out of the house", just so they can lay back down under the sun.

My ideal house is 10,000 square foot bomb shelter. Hell yea!

"The Richest, Creamiest Fat In All The Land"

"You see, according to Cocteau's plan I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder - "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dennis Leary as Edgar Friendly

Demolition Man

I'm healthy. I am most likely healthier then 90% of America because I workout regularly, I take multivitamins, I don't smoke, and I drink occasionally (well, alot really). In doing so, one of the few things I like to do that is very unhealthy is eat sh*tty food sometimes. Not all the time, just occasionally to get a break from fish, vegetables, and other way too healthy crap.

I do not appreciate when people decide what is healthy and what isn't for me:



The Arches Have Fallen - First it was the supersize (ahem...F**K you Morgan Spurlock...if you eat ANYTHING in those quantities, you'll die), now it's the transfatty oil. Now although yes, I know, transfats release free radicals that destroy portions of DNA and lead to somethings such as cancer...the new transfree oil probably doesn't taste as good. But see...here's the kicker...fast food is not meant to be consumed in regular quantities. Just like smoking, drugs, booze, and porn...anything in moderation is okay...even free radicals!

I was irritated in the fact that just because fat people got fat, eating McDonald's, the supersize was pulled. Now the Government is stepping in talking about banning transfats because it kills people. Let's check the stats their Uncle Sugar...what about smoking? Why has this not been completely banned yet...oh yeah, because it's individual choice on what they want to consume.

I can see the justification behind it, however, other then it's the government telling private industry to make costly, semi-unnecessary changes....it also changes what I, as an individual, am allowed to consume. Sure, I can't have something which in excess will promote cancer, but the guy next to me can fire up his cigarettes all he wants until he does get lung cancer and dies.



Got Listeria? - Not to confuse my argument above with what I'm attacking in this rant. Unpasteurized milk? Gross. I don't care if this is illegal or not because my beef is not with the FDA on this. My beef is with the psychos that drink the crap and run the risk of picking up any number of diseases. My greater beef is with these psychos that feed it to their children.

Oh, sorry, I just read that Sally Fallon, president of the Weston A. Price Foundation, a nonprofit that advocates consumption of whole, natural foods, stated that “raw milk is like a magic food for children.” If you call feeding your children something that will make them get hemorrhagic diarrhea, then I guess that's magical.

These meatballs argue that the certain vitamins and enzymes that are destroyed in milk during pasteurization make raw milk better apparently haven't heard of the concept of fruit, vegetables, or perhaps, other sources of this. Yes, I've gotten that it destroys certain levels of B and C vitamins...but I promise you, that if you drink orange juice, or even a big ol' chunk of broccoli, you'll be okay. And the best part is, that orange juice or green leafy substance won't make you piss blood out your ass. Isn't that super?!

I chalk this one up to Darwinism. People who blatantly disregard science and nutrition because they believe they've found the miracle cure. That's right up there with using leeches to "purify blood", a big ol' colossal jump back into the dark ages.

Choose Your Character

While watching my newly discovered favorite TV series "Weeds" last night, I had an epiphany that might explain how we in our teens decide to focus our energies. For the record, I think pot and all pot related humor is pretty worthless, but this series actually makes it look exciting to sell controlled substances.

So growing up, teenagers inevitably hit what I call the "crazy age". This is the age at which they begin to fall into the big vices of adolescence. Being drugs, booze, sex, and violence, although this list is certainly not all inclusive.

Obviously this works on the percentage system in that a teen can only invest a certain percentage of 100% into each. Me personally, I was never into drugs, and pretty much had to replace sex with porn (because I'll admit, I was not a chick magnet at the time). So I would say I was mastering a "Vice Split" of; Porn 70%, Booze 20%, Violence 10% (I was an angry teen).

I would further argue the whole notion of "Vice Split" as leading to a certain talent, albeit socially undesirable, in the future. We've all met the people that know how to build a pot pipe out of a piece of dental floss and a cupcake, or someone that knows how to mix any drink on earth. These are people that during their teen crazy years, focused their attention towards a specific vice over most others.

Mine being porn, I specialized in everything nasty under the sun (and learned how to sell porn to classmates by 10th grade). Recently, I was humbled. I thought I knew everything about sex, both normal and abnormal, until I read this article. Yikes.

Better Not Seen And Not Heard

With Blogger now cooperating, I can now continue to fire the volleys of rants that I've discovered during the past several days of very irritatingly stupid news stories that I've witnessed:

The American Baby Factory - Alrighty. Something that rarely hits home here in the United States, but isn't that obtuse over seas, is a couple who has had seventeen kids. I don't honestly know where to begin with this stopping short of stating that I believe that Negative Eugenics needs to reach out and smack both of these parents square in the pie hole. I'm not going to attack the usual arguement about them contributing to the overpopulation of the world, or being one of the many people that drive up medical insurance via unnecessary or unwarranted procedures, or even for the fact that their kids cannot deny that their mother is easy. I'm going to strickly take on the fact that they're essentially breeding in the name of God. Their purposed summed up is that "all children are a blessing from God and that each one is a special gift". Alright Queen Crazy of the Breeder Kingdom...do you not realize that the more children you have, the less attention each one of them will receive due to your incessant need to breed yourself into oblivion? I would put money on the fact that these kids are all going to grow up mal adjusted from this crazy atmosphere where the family has ceased to become a family, and now is bordering on the organization of an Army Platoon. I would further submit that looking at what the mother said, I believe there is an underlying psychological issue that they're attempting to cover up. Possibly overcompensation? Or more evident, maybe the mother just doesn't want to give up being the center of attention.

Either way, what it boils down to is this. Parenting is a resource, the more you divide that resource, the less your children will develop as a person. And a sign up sheet to speak to their own parents? F**K you that is wrong.

Yes, I don't care if they know how to play the violin, or if they know latin by 10...they're all going to end up being that awkward kid that spent too much time being home schooled. And BELIEVE me, they will be teased by how many kids their mother has crapped out. And I for one, would lead that charge.

STOP BREEDING AND START BEING PARENTS.

Not Enough Child Abuse? - Rarely do I ever support religious elements getting the wrathful eye of the government, but when it comes to polygamy and any religious organization that takes advantage of youth, that's where I'm pretty much all for destroying those beliefs with extreme prejudice.

The State Court of Appeals ruled that, despite their antiquated dress and borderline cultish beahvior, the state of Texas was wrong to seize the children in from the Fundamentalist Church. It's not that the Court ruled this, but rather their reasoning as to why...and I quote:

"The court said the state failed to show that any more than five of the teenage girls were being sexually abused, and offered no evidence of sexual or physical abuse against the other children."

Okay...let's look at this statement again. The state failed to show that ANY MORE THAN FIVE of the teenage girls were being sexually abused. So...you're telling me, o great Court of Appeals that anything less then five means that the environment in question is suitable for any children? Holy crap on toast that is a pretty f**ked up decision. An environment that is conducive to even ONE child being assaulted is the wrong environment, especially if it's being conducted under the guise of being related to an organization of God. Even moreso if it's being compounded by forcing (or "guiding", whatever you want to call brainwashing) teenagers to marry.

In my most humble opinion, if a parent chooses to be in an environment that is counter productive to the welfare of their children, I believe the state should have the ability to step in and severely question these people's ability to be fit for parenthood. These meatballs need to wake up and realize that they're not being "persecuted" for their religion, they're being smacked down for being awful parents.

Anchor In A Diaper? None For Me. - I am positive I've posted about this guy before, but I'm just positive I can't sing his praise loud enough, nonetheless, ignore the criticism he's gotten for being "selfish". He made a permanent decision based on his feelings, and I honestly believe at his age, that he's right on the mark.

I take issue with the fact that the crazies believe this "selfish" and that he's passing up such a "joy" of having kids. Look, I got the whole idea that "it's different when they're yours" and blah blah blah, but some people are just having too much fun in life without having a home anchor on them. I could say it might be an individual influence, but I'm more inclined to say that children these days are louder, more spoiled, and more out of control then generations past, and those crappy kids with their crappy parents have left a bad taste in our mouths. I will relent in that there are some couples who still raise their childen the old school way, and discipline as often as possible, but for the most part, I think we as a nation are doomed once the kids that are toddlers now reach their mid 20's.

I completely blame the parents who want to be their kids friends, and not their parents. Even more so, I blame the parents who don't believe in a giving their kids a good ol' passionate a$$ whoopin' anytime they did something wrong.

And furthermore, no I don't want to see pictures of your baby. They all look like little human bologna loaves, and unless they're related to me by blood, I don't caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare.

This man is a genius.

All This Ammo And Of Course A Jam!

I have an excellent rant today, however, the Blogger is currently not allowing me to upload pictures...sooo, hopefully tomorrow!


Crap!

Meet My Bluntness

The past few days have been excellent news days. And by excellent, I mean there has been plenty of irritating stories that make me question the standard mindframe of humanity. However, I've been unable to organize them into any discernable group, so I figure I'll just take a cluster today...and save the rest for later:

Probably Going to Crap A Sequoia - It appears that Oprah has joined the unwashed masses in following fad diets that have no medical support whatsoever. This diet, however, is the double whammy of "don't eat the animals" and "cleansing the body of toxins". Hmmm. So despite the fact that this diet has total disregard for what the human body was built to do, she's leading her masses to put themselves through 21 days of crappy dieting, just at the "attempt" to feel better. The extra pisser of it is that I imagine most of them being severely overweight/obese people that are going into it so they can attempt to capture that whole "fit but fat" myth.

I'm tired of these people who go at lengths through yoga, and incense and massage therapy and hugging cows and wah wah wah wah wah. From an evolutionary standpoint, our bodies and minds grow stronger through the challenges we face....not taking the path of least resistance. That sh*t makes you soft. The people that have chiseled bodies, healthy minds, and strong immune systems are those people that go to the gym and sweat until they're bleeding from their pores. I've yet to believe that yoga in and of itself can make a fat person skinny. No. I don't care if it makes them feel good...if you walk out of an exercise session "feeling good", you've done it wrong.

And for gravy's sake vegetarians, you're the only ones that apparently care that something has to die for us to eat. No, you will not make a difference, because I'll eat twice as much chicken, beef, and pork to make up with what you're passing up. And vegans...what the hell is your problem. You're telling me that you're sticking up for such animals like the turkey, who will literally drown if they look up while it's raining? This type of thinking seriously makes me want to go out and hammer punch a cow.

What's the best way to be happy and healthy you ask me? Simple. Do what you want to do and don't worry about other people. Eat what you want to eat, enjoy vices in moderation, and do what you can to stay fit. Don't avoid food with "negative energies" or drink some tabasco/lemon juice concoction (f**k you Master Cleanse diet) that'll only turn you into a human smoothy machine. And for all's sake, if you want to get in shape because you've got extra weight...run. Don't jog, don't do yoga, don't do pilates, don't walk fast on an incline, don't buy that fancy crap off the tv show that has some foot doctor saying it's good for your abs....run.

People these days want to get to a goal, but are always so afraid of putting the milage on their bodies. And with that said, I've already gone to the gym this morning, done 20 minutes at 9 mph on the treadmill, 10 minutes at a 2:15/500m pace on the rowing machine, and done at least 10 minutes of arm, shoulder, back, and ab exercises.....now I'm going to go to happy hour, suck down three dirty martinis and polish that sh*t off with a greazy a$$ Bacon Ultimate Cheese Burger from Jack in the Box.

...and I'm still happy, still healthy, and still have a 28" waistline. Who you gonna believe...Oprah? Or me.

I Got Nothin'

"It's On Like Donkey Kong, And I Got The F#%king Mallet..."

Not being fresh out of school and having had to readapt to the civilian workforce, has in some ways made me feel like I'm at a disadvantage with my peers in terms of where I am with HR experience. I feel like the fact that I'm only alittle over a year experienced in the field makes me below par on what I should know in this position.

Well, that's at least how I felt until a few days ago.

A question came up concerning benefits for an ex-employee that used to work for my company. That is, my company before it was acquired by our new parent company. I received a phone call from an HR generalist from our old parent company claiming that an ex-employee should still be covered under our insurance, despite the fact that we were essentially fired and hired by our new company based on the acquistion agreement. I argued back stating that while we were now employees of the new parent company, the old company essentially stayed with the old parent company.

Having dealt with me before, she stated she needed to check with her boss, the Director of Human Resources for said old parent company. She immediately got back on the phone and said that the Director said I was wrong. Didn't offer reason, nor arguement, just...wrong. I simply replied...alright, lemme check into this.

Fastforward a day or so, moving past several boggled insurance representatives, a few confused HR professionals, and one very grumpy employee from the U.S. Department of Labor, and we arrive at the answer. Me, myself, I am right. I have essentially taken a situation that is rarely dealt with, nonetheless addressed by either the Department of Labor nor the IRS, and answered it before any research...because I knew how this all worked.

(For those who don't know me, there are some things that set me off. Being told I am "wrong" without any proof, support, or otherwise is one of them. If you tell me this, and you're right..then good for you. If you tell me this, and you're wrong...I WILL put your sh#t out on the street for all to see...)

So, having said all that, I wrote a response to said HR Generalist/Lacky and copied the Director stating that not only was she wrong, but so was her boss. To add alittle fun, I tacked on support from a governmental source and followed it up with an enormous smiley face after the "let me know what else I can do for you!" So not only did I crap all over the Director, I crapped all over the Director infront of their subordinate. Was that professional? No. Was it deserved? Oh yeah.

Opportunities like this come very rarely, but whenever I, an HR newbie with 1 year experience, gets to crush a six figure income generating HR Director with possibly 15+ years experience, especially when she blindly tells me I'm wrong (not face to face mind you, through her subordinate), I'll be damned if I won't jump on that gravy train.

"Seriously? I Mean Really??"

Occasionally as I'm trolling through the newsvine, usually MSN.com, I see stories that just immediately piss me off. I don't need to know when it was written, or the story itself. I can usually just look at the headline and know that what I'm about to read will teleport me into a brand new realm of angry.
Issues involving lack of foresight, or even the function use of common sense, are pretty much the giant things that drive me to drink. The following seem to be those little "forehead-flickers" that seem to want me to crack open a bottle of vodka right now:

** "F$%k science...I'm scared!" - So a big ol' team of scientists want to prevent the worlds largest particle smasher from firing, all because they don't know what it'll do. Uh...excuse me dumba$$es, isn't that the idea behind research? I find it really hard to believe that scientists themselves want to stop research because it has the 0.0000000001% chance of being remotely harmful. If you look back in history, the most dangerous and frightening experiences have yielded tomes of information.

Scared Researcher - "But what if we create a microscopic black hole!"

Look meatball, I'm not by any means an astrophysicist, but I know somewhat based on this (go to number 8)...it would takes many, many, many years for a microscopic black hole to accrue enough mass to consume anything, let alone an entire planet.

And you know what? If we do go ahead with the research and blow a giant hole into the Earth, oh well! Because the odds that we'll advance light years in science for this over the tiny possibility we'll be reduced to a rubble pile is totally worth it. You wait until it's actually built, then you decide to stop it? Come on!


** "I know its been 200 years, but we're doing this all wrong" - Let me start off by saying in no way am I not sympathetic to the plight of blind people. I believe to be without sight is truely a situation where a person has been robbed of the ability to live their life to the fullest.

I'm not again developing devices to help the blind, nor am I against change of any sort, but when you talk about restructuring the entire US Currency system for what I've found to be a couple hundred thousand Americans? Dude. The cost alone associated with creating different bills or embedding braile could be staggering to say the least.

IRONICALLY - The lawsuit to against the Department of Treasury was spearheaded by the
American Council Of The Blind, whose webpages are mostly written in red. So I guess the halfling color-blinded just don't count huh?


** "The Geneva Convention apparently protects books too...." - This is the absolute essence of why I left the Army when I did. When a Soldier is going to stand trial for decimating a book...not even a relic of historical value (i.e. The Constitution or The Dead Sea Scrolls), but a book he literally could have bought at Walden Books 10 minutes before he shot it up, this Country has just abandoned its own fighting force.

So let me get this straight, you (because I sure as hell didn't) apologised to an entire country because one of our Soldiers shot a book up? Really? Since when did Iraq become the emissary for an entire religion? Had it been a Bible, would we still have apologised? Remember, there are Christians in Iraq.

Of course we wouldn't have. Our Army has become so politically whipped and controlled, that I'm not suprised if eventually policies will be put in place requiring that all male Soldiers arn't allowed to shave anymore. I am POSITIVE that Soldiers over there are fuming pissed about this right now.

This is why we're not winning the war. Politics has deconstructed a machine that was built with the intent to fight and win wars (the actually mission of the Army). Not f#(king walk on egg shells around religious and local observations. The instant a Soldier loses the ability to function in whatever means necessary to win a war, you've already truncated it's ability to fight, which means we'll lose.

Seriously...when will female Soldiers start wearing burkas? I'm just watchin' the clock.

Bums Gots Fashion!

Every morning on my work I drive by the same bum. An older woman, possibly in her 40's, that apparently erects a fortress of shopping carts packed with crap around a doorway so she can sleep in peace everything. Approximately 8:15 am every morning, she disassembles the barricade and strategically places these carts in and about the surrounding streets. Possibly to avoid them all getting picked up and thrown away (recently I've noticed her barricade going from about 5 carts to 2).

Beyond all this, she (obviously) has been wearing the same thing since I first started noticing her last fall on my way to work. Funky visor, brown coat, brown pants, enormous snow boots.

Recently the weather has been tapping into the 70's and 80's, and this morning, much to my suprise, she was wearing funky visor, brown coat, brown capri pants, and sandals. Derelique exists after all!