"A Social Tool Without A Use"

So once again, I'm somewhat dwelling in inactivity, knowing that my skills and abilities are languishing on the sidelines due to the process of merging with a new organization. I know that once we get tied in, I'll be chugging along as normal (or everytime an insurance carrier biffs up per usual).

I've noticed that only when we're dolling out new policies or insurance are my abilities ever really challenged, and that's usually not for periods longer then two days. HR is really quite a bit of overabundance and under abundance of work. Although I'll admit, I can think of many workplace issues I'm glad I don't have, there are just days I really feel like doing twenty lbs. of paperwork while digging a hole.

Steak With A Side Of WRONG

Hmm....I was told by my two resturant managers from before I graduated college that the Bonanza line was being systematically shut down by it's parent company, Metromedia Steakhouse.
However, when I went to this link, I came to discover that the webpage is dated 2008...which means they're still up.

Sounds like a few people back in the hometown are WROOOONG.

Brushing Up With Fear

No time to blog today, so thought I'd just drop alittle bit more horror on dentistry. Enjoy!

My Maw's Overhaul

Went to the dentist today to get my bum Army filling replaced. I was unsure as to how much drilling and poking would be involved, seeing as how in my mind, all they had to do was remove the old filling and replace it. Well, to those of you that should ever experience this wonder, it's pretty much on par with getting a regular cavity filled. Lots of drilling.

To preface this story, I need to point out what appears to be a biological anomoly with me. For some reason, the "standard" amount of novocain pretty much bounces off me. My mother claims it's due to the fact that I am of Northern European ancestry and that the nerves in my jaw are more deeply set then other people, so the novocain doesn't quite get to it all the way.

So when I step foot into a dentists office, I pretty much know I'm going to experience the electric shock that is the drill going too deep into my tooth at no fault of the dentist. My dentist I currently have probably thought he was going well above and beyond by giving me a heavy dose of novocain (I hadn't told him about my nerve issue at this point). Kudos to him. It made my right side of my face numb, and my tongue numb to the point where I was afraid to talk at work because I was slurring like a drunkard.

Suffice to say, when the point hit that he buzzed too deep and I jittered (infront of a hot dental assistant no less), he was amazed. He double checked the numbness of my tongue and lower lip to which I confirmed was still numb, and he went back to drilling...but more cognizant of my body language.

After it was over he apologized for "buzzing" me. (which came as a shock because Army dentists probably don't really care). I explained that I pretty much feel pain on every filling, and that's why I hate it so much when I have one. He seemed impressed that I powered through anyway and shook my hand after I told him thanks for the speedy filling (which was pretty quick).

So it was a successful visit other then the fact that I made my dentist feel bad. I never thought something like that would ever bug me...or even be an issue.

WTF Fatties?!

Today I'm delivering a big pile of wtf to what was a growing subset of our population. Now before you go and start defending them off the bat, hear me out...you might not be as offended as you think you'll be, but if you are offended, then it's probably safe to say you need to lose some weight.

I'm talkin' about the fatties. It's a well documented fact (and probably over expressed) that I loathe fat people. I'm not talking people who try to eat right, hit the gym when the can, and wear loose fitting clothes to cover up "problem areas". I'm talking about the slovenly beasts who ride the "Jabba The Hutt" carts at WalMart, sweat when they open a jar of jam, and have horrifying yellow discolorment around certain parts of their bodies that don't receive direct sunlight. And not just the 400 lb. "don't get on my elevator" fatties, I'm specifically identifying those people who have developed front butt, and somehow think it's okay to still wear shorts and for some reason, Disney-anything tshirts.
My anger against these Staypuffs was brought to a head when I read an article on MSN about blogs (one notably called the "Fatosphere"...and I'll be f$(ked if I'll hyperlink that garbage) in which fat people gripe about how much crap they get for being overweight, and telling people that it's okay to be fat. They further their grisel filled debate by saying they can be just as happy as everyone else and that once they accepted their weight, everything was A-Okay.
Well listen up you pooch-porting pile. The fact that you and 50% of the United States isn't a problem because you're not happy, it's a fact that everyone else suffers because you decide to suck down the hamhocks with gravy fries at breakfast. The First and Foremost issue is the fact that obese people drive up healthcare costs. We all know that being overweight EXPONENTIALLY increases health issues, hence more doctors visits, hence increased demand for healthcare, hence the fact that people who actually need/deserve healthcare (ahem..that try to take care of their bodies) can't get it...because you and your jolly friends are using up the doctors, increasing corporate insurance premiums, and increasing malpractice complaints when your octople bypass goes awry.
Secondly, beyond the damage that's being done to the medical community, there is nothing pleasant about the side effects of the extreme fatties. I'm talking about being blanketed in their flab while sitting next to them on airplanes, or even thanks to their inability to use self control, I now can no longer order a supersized anything at McDonalds. Hell, even Disney Land has to suffer economically due to these consistant bingers.
Finally, I'm driving to drink by their inability to understand why their teased and taunted. I can even cite Darwin on this as being just simply, fat people are weak. "But my condition is genetic" I can hear in a whimpery voice muffled with curly fries and a shake. Well, what genetic condition doesn't allow for you to pick up a damn carrot stick, or jog (yes, I'm even willing to allow jogging) on a treadmill for 20 whole minutes out of your calorie soaked day.

No only is the issue that they believe that society must accept them for what they've become, there's an actual "fat rights movement" apparently brewing the darkest corners of the country in which fat people feel it's not okay to be discriminated against (i.e. two airplane seats = two airplane fares). Right now, from what I understand, it is completely legal to fire a fat person from a job as long as their obesity isn't genetically linked. Wonderful! Appearance is something that not only reflects how the person views themselves, but it also reflects on the organization they work for. I sure as hell would not keep an employee who gained a crap ton of weight, especially if I worked for say, a doctor's office, or a gym
Pretty much to sum it up, it is NOT okay to be fat. It is NOT okay to "accept your body the way it is" just so you can be happy. If you accept being fat out of concern with making yourself feel more at ease with your precious feelings, then you might as well go out and trip a little kid because you're essentially doing it to a grand scale to society. My wallet, healthcare, and personal bubble (ahem...airplanes) should not have to suffer just because you refuse to break a sweat. I can't imagine anyone convincing themselves to be happy when they have an actual medical condition that contains the word "morbidly".
If you are fat and happy, you are wrong. If you are fat and miserable, DO something about it.

No Water Here

Last night marked the unofficial last day of the medium sobriety I've been going through as this was intended only to go until the end of January. I decided to hang off the wagon alittle bit, and sure enough, before I knew it, I was on the ground and the wagon rolled over me.

Bad is waking up and realizing that you're still drunk. Worse is realizing your still drunk and you have an important teleconference later that afternoon. Downright lame is realizing that it's already 8:45am and you're late for work.

Not all was lost however. I batted a thousand in the conference call (still drunk) and competed a few frightening tasks to boot. I'm not sure if its the extra energy from all the booze, or if it was a desparate bid to my insecure self to prove to others I didn't drink last night. Either way, I apparently am more functional when I'm still crispy from the previous night.

Sending Them To An Unhappy Place

The day is over half way over and despite the fact that today began so well, it's already on the slippery slope down. I submit the following list:

- Amnesty International - For disapproving of the overall life saving use of tasers by police and security units

- ACLU - For supporting a Senator that opposes everything they stand for by stating that sexual relations in a public restroom is Constitutionally Protected

- Westboro Baptist "Church" - For moving from celebrating the deaths of American Soldiers to persecuting a recently passed actor for a MOVIE ROLE. (For the record, every time I even mention this "church's" name, I throw up a little in my mouth)

- People Magazine - And pretty much all other tabloid magazines for punching us in the face repeatedly at checkout lines with nothing but verbal jizzing over who having how many babies and why that's influential on our lives

- Miley Cyrus - AKA Ashley Simpson Part II for even entertaining the idea that her fans would be dumb enough to miss this switch out. This is more blatant then tearing one off in an elevator and fanning it around.

- And who can forget people who walk on the treadmills at the gym. I can't forget those people because...well let's face it, there's plenty of laziness to go around.

***Just a little snapshot of the people/things that have recently snapped my radish.

Apathetic Delight

At the risk of being brief, let's recap this weekend in the standard bullet format:

o Started off the weekend by drinking COPIOUS amounts of beer until I was sloshing around as if I were my own keg with feet. (Note: The normal beer "chugging" days end for the average human at 25 years old)

o Subsequently cancelled several plans to drink due to feeling like crap. (see above)

o Baked a cake and subseqently ate a quarter of it immediately after frosting it.

o Burned up a good 20+ hours on XBox & resurrecting old computer games.

o At end of all this, destroyed at least 3 gallons of beer and at least 3 bottles of wine.

*I suppose I should feel bad because I'm sure 80% of all other bloggers that talked about this last weekend talk about how they went skiing, camping, hiking, blah blah blah, all to which I submit the above listed picture.

Hitting The Invisible Wall

Today at the gym is a special day. The usual 30 minute treadmill routine (which is every other day for cardio) is reduced to 25 minutes and divided between the treadmill (15 min) and the stair machine (10 min).

The intent of the shorted version of the run day is to see what my maximum speed is within a 15 minute period. In the Army, the Physical Test you take every 6 months requires you to run 2 miles at top speed. Historically, I've always managed to complete this with an average speed of about 12:20. So I use Fridays (if I've done at least two other cardio days in the week) to essentially "max out" my speed and see where I get.

Today, I decided to ramp it up a bit and tack on some elevation. So here I am about 14 minutes into my run. I've got the elevation at .5% and the speed set at 9.8 (mph I believe - equates to a 6:05 min/mile). As I'm burning off my last minute, I accidently pull the "STOP" button off of the panel infront of me and immediately came to a dead stop. And when I mean dead stop, I mean I couldn't have stopped any quicker had I thrown myself into wall of iron. It wasn't so much the fact that stopping suddenly like that pisses off every major organ and muscle in your body, it's the fact that it quite literally leaves you in a dazed state. I stood there for a good 10 seconds, staring at the treadmill like I was trying to disarm a nuclear device.

After shaking off the vertigo, I plugged it back in, and jacked the speed up to 12 on a .5% incline for 1 full minute to make up the difference. As I watched the speed ramp up, I noticed it couldn't get past about 10.8 and actually said "unable to attain goal" on the monitor. The speed hovered well below 12 until the minute was up.

Treadmill 1 : Azurael 1

Let's Get To Firin'! All Barrels Hot!

If any of you are contemplating a position in human resources, I'd like to outline certain key things to keep in mind.

If you get a job at a small company (i.e. approximately 50 employees), things work quick and smooth. The fact that the structure is so small allows for quick communication and even quicker action. If you want to hire someone, you basically need the funds and the okay from the hiring manager. Same if you want to fire someone, you essentially identify it, point, and click.

However....

If and when you get acquired by a larger company (i.e. approximately 200 employees), things tend to slow down. Usually hiring someone requires several different levels of authorization, and usually takes about a week to do so. Firing someone is essentially impossible in a timely manner because all the sudden 300 lawyers need to make sure you're not firing someone for being a minority, but rather for the fact that they do indeed suck. Then you need approval from supervisors that pretty much have nothing to do with said employee. Finally, after all of this has gone by and the targeted employee has already retired, then you can fire them.

I'm in the above situation, pre-acquisition, we could hire and fire with the click of the mouse. Now that we've apparently grown into a full scale bureaucracy, we can't do jack in a timely manner, which makes me look bad because I can't do anything without approval.

W-T-F#$k it's like being in the Army all over again.