Bums Gots Fashion!

Every morning on my work I drive by the same bum. An older woman, possibly in her 40's, that apparently erects a fortress of shopping carts packed with crap around a doorway so she can sleep in peace everything. Approximately 8:15 am every morning, she disassembles the barricade and strategically places these carts in and about the surrounding streets. Possibly to avoid them all getting picked up and thrown away (recently I've noticed her barricade going from about 5 carts to 2).

Beyond all this, she (obviously) has been wearing the same thing since I first started noticing her last fall on my way to work. Funky visor, brown coat, brown pants, enormous snow boots.

Recently the weather has been tapping into the 70's and 80's, and this morning, much to my suprise, she was wearing funky visor, brown coat, brown capri pants, and sandals. Derelique exists after all!

Some Day You Get The Bear....

Most people seem to just go through crappy incidents throughout their day, like spilling the cereal all over the floor, or being late for work. Just little dots of bad stuff in their happy day.



Mine is the inverse. I can go for days at the time with just a ho hum day. Then all the giant bags of crap come raining from the heavens.



Can you guess which one of those is me?

The Most Important?

I was drinking my usual energy drink as a semi-breakfast for this morning when I began to reflect on my usual eating habits.

I've never been a fan of breakfast, even since college. Something about getting up and immediately eating just sounded not good.

In school it was cereal.

In college it was coffee.

In the Army it was either two pieces of bread (with nothing in it) or a handful of fritos and a Diet Mt. Dew.

After the Army it went to pop tarts.

Now it's back to whatever drink I can get my hands on.

Egg and bacon industry, I apologize. Frozen waffle industry, you still suck because your waffles always end up super dry or soggy as hell.

Welcome To Mai Cavz0r n00b

The exciting thing about moving into a 2 bedroom apartment is that one of them will be a bend on having a den, having what I like to call the "Nerd Cave".

Despite the fact the move-in cost will be unholy at best, once I've recovered my security deposit from the other place, I pretty much know I'm going to logon to ThinkGeek.com and go completely hog wild. Although I'm not a materialist per se, I do enjoy pointless little gadgets that glow and just waste time. I'm always a sucker for buttons, lights, and pointless functions....big emphasis on pointless. Not like "pet rock" pointless, more like "wacky wall crawler" pointless.\

Beyond this, were I a lotter winner and moving into a house, I would have a "Nerd Fortress". This would be hidden behind either a staircase or bookshelf, and would be immaculate. In said "Nerd Fortress", I would have the following:


- A most awesome gaming station (courtesy of bornrich.org)

- A GIANT personal bar with every Vodka manufactured.

- Security dressed as storm troops with the largest assault rifles allowed on the civilian market (because lasers arn't portable yet)

- A waitstaff of nerdy chicks hired from the finest Comic Book Conventions in the world.

-And crates of Hostess products delivered monthly.

Now if I could just get that lottery thing done.

Grab A Snorkle And Dive In!

I got back from Oregon yesterday and my body is threatening to mutiny on me. I began drinking Friday night and I honestly don't think I stopped drinking until last night about 10 or so.

In an effort to prepay my karma so I don't get all of the bad juju at once for having a crazy weekend, I dragged myself to work today. Of course I should also get points for having driven back from Oregon hungover. That's a gem I don't want back. The bonus story to that is that I was hungover Friday when I drove down from too much Harp on Thursday.

Yes, I can already feel the nickname "Power Lush" floating around me, but I took that time to jump off the wagon for a bit. The policy of no drinking on a work day is back in effect (which is good because my body can't take much more at this rate).

Over The Wire And Through The Mines...

May seems to be the month of changes. Not only have I just begun using my new phone, but I've also decided it's time to move.

As with any technology, the more complex it gets with the older I get, its harder to use. Ignoring the user's manual completely (as any good man would), I've dove directly into the hundreds of settings and configurations my cell-computer is capable of. I still have yet to figure out how to change the wallpaper and notifications, let alone delete the free Moby song I got with it. Bleeech!

As for my living arrangement. Right now I live in an apartment of 660 sq feet for around $950 a month, pretty much at the heart of bum central for where I live. It's a crappy neighborhood, there's mold on my windows, and I'm tired of struggling with a crappy gate opener everytime I need to get in or out of my complex. Thanks mostly in part to people buying houses beyond their budgets, foreclosing on them, and moving back to apartment living, it's damn near impossible to find an apartment in Seattle without having to first providing a shipment of gold to the landlord.

If I could get any tattoo on my body that would represent me, it would be "Status Quo", because I'm the kind of guy that loves consistancy. If I make it through this month with my sanity in check, I'm going to buy me a new Xbox game.

Not Always So Funny

Bloopers are usually funny...that is unless you're say...an astronaut, a vulcanologist, a member of a bomb squad, a drug dealer..etc.etc.etc....

Who Needs This Football Bat?

Being what is called in the HR community an "HR Professional", I rely heavily not only on my peers in the HR world, but also on sites and associations to help me in finding answers to legal questions and other safe guards to prevent and/or cure issues in the workplace.

One such website, which will remain unmentioned, consistantly provides updated articles and tools for HR professionals to use in their everyday workings. The following is an actual "tool" that was posted for the websites users to use to replace "harsh" terminology. I cannot emphasize enough that I have not altered or changed any content in this document.

Preferred Terminology Guide
The following terminology guide will help employers when communicating to avoid negative phrases that are offensive and use affirmative phrases to communicate effectively.
instead of retarded, mentally defective, use person with mental retardation

instead of the blind, use person who is blind, person who is visually impaired

instead of the disabled, handicapped, use person with a disability.

instead of suffers a hearing loss, the deaf, use person who is deaf, person who is hard of hearing

instead of afflicted by MS, use person who has multiple sclerosis

instead of CP victim, use person with cerebral palsy

instead of epileptic, use person with epilepsy, person with seizure disorder

instead of confined or restricted to a wheelchair, use person who uses a wheelchair

instead of stricken by MD, use person who has muscular dystrophy

instead of crippled, lame, deformed, use physically disabled

instead of normal person (implies that the person with a disability isn t normal), use person without a disability

instead of dumb, mute, use unable to speak, uses synthetic speech

instead of fit, use seizure

instead of has overcome a disability, courageous (when it implies the person has courage because of having a disability), use successful, productive

instead of crazy, nuts, use person with psychiatric disability

instead of admits she has a disability use says she has a disability

Yeah. Someone got paid to write this.

My Id Is Hungry As Hell

So on a bizzare twist yesterday, I decided to throw today's gym day down the toilet in favor of a few pitchers of Harp, the worlds most amazing beer ever.

Despite the slight twang of a hangover this morning, I'm fairly pleased with my recent reduction of the booze consumption. I've reduced it only to drinking on nights where I don't have to work the next day. This makes it easier to 1) go to the gym and 2) go to work and actually concentrate when need be. I've actually accomplished both so I figured I could take a little break.

That and I'll need to rest up this week because I'm heading down to Oregon on Friday to see Oregon-B! (Which always means "Everclear run")

Fumin' Mad

Used a couple of flea foggers today in my apartment. Call me crazy but something doesn't seem right about setting up a couple cans of poison to bombard my furniture and living space for a continous two hours.